Hey, this is my place. Grab a seat and relax for a bit. If you are expecting deep philosophical blather you are going to be dissappointed. You have been warned as some of the opinions discussed on this blog are the opinions of the owner and may or may not align with your own.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

A Christmas to forget

Christmas is a time for family, friends, and giving. So why was ours everything but? I don't know who we wronged but someone was not happy with us. Not only were we trying to deal with the whole water pouring through the ceiling fiasco I commented on in my last blog entry, we were also trying in vain to pull off a X-mas holiday. It just was not going to happen. My wife took the kids up to her parents place the week prior to the holiday weekend so as not to expose them any more to the "dry out" process that was happening around the clock at our house. I was left alone in the house to deal with the contractors, the mess, and the NOISE!!!! For three straight days it sounded like there was a 747 taking off and landing in the kitchen. If you tried to go downstairs to what I like to call my Fortress of Solitude, you were hit with the sounds of a jet engine. Try going upstairs to escape the noise...and boom planes flying in the bedroom too. On each floor of our house we had dehumidifiers the size of refrigerators and no less that 6 industrial size blowers on high speed trying to dry out the carpet, sub floor, walls, hardwood floor, and ceiling tiles that had taken a beating on that fateful night that the toilet wasn't going to take anymore and attacked. Three days of constant noise....personally I would rather have shoved broken shards of glass into my eye than listen to that noise. There was a wind chill in my house for cryin out load from the 20 mph wind gusts. Imagine this chaos while your trying to work from home taking conference calls and such all the while it sounds like you are in the middle of a war zone. Sleeping was fun those nights...NOT!

Eventually the contractors came and pulled their hell machines out of the house....the beauty of silence was something like I had never heard. I sat in the living room and just listened to the sound of nothing and for a brief moment found peace in the quiet of my home. That night I actually slept and I was able to get some work done the next day.

I was missing my family pretty bad as it was nearing the holiday weekend and we had plans to do the family things toward the end of that week. None of those plans would come to pass now since they had traveled to her folks place to escape said Hell House. The hell with the house had passed and we were in good shape..until the brainless weather people started calling for nasty weather the latter half of the week. Of course I didn't want my wife and kids to travel in nasty weather conditions so we delayed their homecoming to see what the weather did. Thursday turned into Friday which gave way to Saturday and the weather didn't do shit as record temps were hit and rain fell from the sky....no freezing, no snow, no wind chill, nothing. I could predict the weather better than these yahoos. My wife and kids started for home Saturday morning..we wasted 2 days waiting for the sky to open up and nothing. Damn weatherman. To top it all off, the time my family spent up at my in-laws was just enough time for all three of them to get sick. My wife informed me of this while in transit on Saturday. Headed my way was a truck full of disease. This was going to be a great weekend.

Have you ever tried to navigate a full blown family holiday with two sick kids under the age of 3 and a sick wife that when she coughs sounds as though she is barfing up a lung? Let me tell you..if ever faced with that situation...punt. I don't care if it's 1st and 10 on the opposing teams 20 yard line....you punt and run away screaming like a little girl. Hell hath no fury like a sleep deprived 2.5 year old with pneumonia. My daughter who normally is a well behaved little angel was spitting pea soup and speaking in tongue. I never thought that I would see the day that a child would get pissed off and throw a shoe for being asked to open one of her presents. Each one we would present her with would cause her to scream in an octave that shattered both glass and the human ear drum. It was the 20 minute hell on earth tantrum that caused my wife and I to throw in the towel and cancel the remainder of Dec 25th and by the way it was only 11 am. I left my sisters place with my truck full of sick people..me the only survivor of the plague. We arrived home went through a few more melt downs and finally put the kids down for naps...of which did them some good..but only a little as my daughter slapped us back to reality with a post nap pea soup and tongue episode.

Christmas night was upon us.....we had planned to be at my cousins place with the rest of the family opening gifts, snacking on hors d'oerves, drinking a few cocktails, and eating x-mas cookies. Instead, my wife and I were calling around trying to find a Chinese restaurant that was open to order some food from as we were starving and didn't have anything in the house except for baby food. I felt like Ralphie's father after the Bumpkiss's dogs ransacked the turkey dinner in TNT's 24 hours of "A Christmas Story" only difference is they found a Chinese place..and we weren't as lucky.

Well...I guess there is always next year....if I make it that long.

Seriously though...the one bright part in this is that I spent time with my wife and kids....sickness, tantrums, coughing, barfing up lungs...at least they were home (insert the token awwwww).

Merry Christmas everyone and Happy New Year! Don't Drink and Drive. Don't do Drugs. Call your Mother once a week. Alright..I'll stop with the PSA's..although I was serious about the drinking and driving thing..oh and the drug stuff too.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Honey..it's raining in the kitchen

That is a phrase that any home owner, or renter for that matter never wants to hear. Huh...Huh...I said Homeowner. Yer right..bad form. Anyway..here is how this thing went down.

The wife and I earlier this week were talking about the fact that we never go out anymore and that life was beginning to become a trudge through the days as we never have time for just her and I. A quick phone call to my folks begging for a night of babysitting and we were all set. A night for just her and I. A little dinner...some conversation about anything but diapers and formula, and a movie. For parents of two under the age of two...what more could we ask for? Turns out it wasn't about what we asked for..it was what were about to be handed, a big old shit burger value meal with extra shit.

The evening began normal enough; I came home from work and the wife had the kids ready to go. I ran up stairs to change clothes and take care of some personal business. I took care of said business and headed back downstairs. In seconds the kids were loaded and we were off for grandma and grandpa's house. Little did we know that the minute we left our happy home, Murphy kicked the events of the evening in motion. Now Murphy and I go way back...we're very well acquainted as he pops in from time to time to kick me in the shins and then run away. This visit was more of a kick in the sack, than a kick in the shins.

The night was great...had some food, saw a good movie, picked up the kids, and came home. The minute I walked through the door my wife uttered that phrase, "Honey, it's raining in the kitchen". To my horror there was at least an inch of water on the kitchen floor leaking from no less that 5 major areas of the ceiling and leaking is being kind, it was more of a downpour. I flew up the stairs to discover that the toilet had overflowed and instead of shutting down as it should have water was flowing over the edge of the bowl. The bathroom floor was covered in another 2 inches of water. It was an absolute disaster. Then the realization hit me..I was the last one on the john and it had plugged with poop. That puts a different spin on this tale as the rain shower that was going on down in the kitchen was now a poopy rain shower. Not to mention that the poopy water had traveled into our bedroom and was soaking the carpet. If I'd had a gun....I would have been sportin' a hole in my head. The rest of the night was spent scrambling for buckets to catch said poopy water, towels, and the wet/dry vac. The water flow eventually stopped sometime around 5 am this morning and we were able to get the kitchen completely disinfected and cleaned up. The carpet in the bedroom is still a bit soggy as well as my discovery this morning that we had not been quick enough in catching the water as it had soaked through to the basement as well.

One of these days...I am gonna kick the ever loving shit outta Murphy that prick. Anyway...that is the story. The next kick to the shins will most certainly be when my insurance guy informs me of the cost to repair my home..I think I'll wear a cup that day.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Who are you..and what have you done with my daughter?

She amazes me a little bit more everyday. My little girl is amazing. Alright...alright I'll stop gushing. Actually it is a bit scary really. I travel quite a bit for work, usually twice a month I am trudging back to MSP International Airport to board another flight for destination somewhere. This week was Denver...next week is Atlanta..the week after that...I forget. Anyway, like I said this week was Denver so Tuesday morning I was off to the airport. On my way out the door I got my hug and kiss from the wife and kids with my daughter saying in somewhat 2 year oldese...by daddy seeyo waiter. Hearing that almost brings a tear to the eye each time I leave and it doesn't get any easier as the years go by. The week was uneventful in Denver...each night I would call home and talk to everyone..the wife would rundown the day as my son could be heard in the background either hollering in delight at something he was doing or crying cuz he was hungry and mommy was not moving fast enough to fill his face with the nearest bottle of formula, then my wife would hand the phone to my daughter who would say, hi daddy followed by silence cuz that is all she had. Thursday rolls around and I am traveling home, I land wait for my luggage, walk to the truck, get in, turn the key, let it warm up, and head for home. I walk through the door and I hear the little foot steps of my daughter running for the door to see who it was. Hello daddy...glad to see you, mommy and I went to the zoo today. I could see her mouth moving and I could hear the words however my mind had not caught up. In my shock I looked at my wife and said, "what the hell did she just say?" at which point I was abruptly hit with the remote control to the head for saying H..E..double hockey sticks in front of the children. She repeated the phrase with extremely clear enunciation. I had only been gone for 3 freaking days and somehow during that time she had graduated from Harvard. Who the hell is this kid and where is my daughter?

Saturday, December 02, 2006

To blog...or not to

To blog or not to blog...is that the question? Today blogs all over the net are being created and destroyed, changed and modified. Millions of people pour their hearts out each day describing in detail..sometimes a scary amount of detail what they thought or did. The amount of information that is recorded about people is absolutely amazing. Now you can Youtube yourself and create your own little video show where you are the superstar that you always wanted to be..well in your own little insignificant existence anyway. How far will it go? Where will this thing end up? What will they be doing 15 years from now when my kids are teenagers (in the immortal words of Bill the Cat "Ack Thhhhpt"). What tools will be available to put themselves out there for all the world to see and is that something that they should be doing? Once it is out there..it is out there, there is no taking it back. That is what scares me. Anyway, obviously fear or not I am one of the ones putting my thoughts down for all the world to read. Whether it brings to them laughter, sadness, or anger are things I can't control. So, I guess to answer the question to blog or not to blog the answer would be yes. Let the world make its own decision.