Hey, this is my place. Grab a seat and relax for a bit. If you are expecting deep philosophical blather you are going to be dissappointed. You have been warned as some of the opinions discussed on this blog are the opinions of the owner and may or may not align with your own.

Friday, August 31, 2007

A story with no name...continued again...

As I rounded the corner out of the alley, I could see the flames from the cab..there was nothing left of that cab larger than a postage stamp. As I stood there thinking about the chick that was now a series of charcoal briquette's strewn across 3rd and 7th, I was really glad that she had paid my in advance. I turned to walk back to the Olds when the lights went out.....shit.

A story with no name...continued...

She was heading out for the night. She looked my way as she flagged down a cab. The Late Spot was where she was headed. As the cab pulled away, I fired up the Oldsmobile and listened to those eight cylinders roar! Taking another pull of my bottle I dropped the clutch and stomped on the gas. In no time I was up with the cab. I followed it for a few blocks...that's when the bullets started flying. I hit the brakes and turned the Olds down the alleyway hoping these assholes would follow, they took the bait. I reached under the seat, grabbed my gun, and unleashed hell. The front window of the car following me shattered and swerved into a dumpster. I slammed on the brakes again and slid to a stop, in a heart beat I was out of the car making swiss cheese out of the bastards that decided to mess with the wrong guy. Nice try fellas, now it's all over but the bleeding.

As I stood there waiting for my heart to slow down, I heard the explosion 2 blocks away....shit.

Danger Mouse..a true hero!

One of the cheesiest and best example of British anime. This series was the epitome of spoofing the secret agent genre, only they did it in the form of an animated cartoon. Danger Mouse was more of a fool than hero. The truly best part of the series was that of his faithful side kick Penfold. This was one of many programs that I grew up with watching Nickelodeon..it was the best!

The Minnesota State Fair

Oh my GOD!!!!! I hope I used those exclamation points correctly. After a staggering 10 hours at the Great Minnesota Get Together, my digestive tract finally hollered "uncle". I think I may have gained approximately 15 pounds today. Up until this point in time, I was down almost 10 since getting back on the exercise horse after joining the local Lifetime Fitness. My day consisted of...well...eating. On the menu you ask? A turkey sandwich, cheese curds, a scotch egg, fried walleye on a stick, fried catfish on a stick, deep fried spam curds (don't ask), another order of cheese curds, a cup of Sweet Martha's cookies, another order of deep fried spam curds (don't ask), and an ear of roasted corn. Believe it or not towards the end of the day I was contemplating another turkey sandwich, I just couldn't bring myself to go up to the lady and order it. Mixed in there were miscellaneous sodas, bottled waters, oh and an ICEE. I traded a few comments with Dan Barreiro (KFAN 4-7 pm) about the Vikings performance last night against the Dallas Cowboys, and managed to get on the 5 pm edition of the local FOX news program. All in all a pretty eventful day and a good one altogether, that is until I developed a case of colon blow while loading the kids in the truck to get home. Ya know that feeling where you're nowhere near a bathroom and your colon starts kicking your ass for everything you've thrown at it that day. Needless to say the drive home was focused on not spackling my pants and luckily was very successful.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Jake Brown falls 40+ feet- worst slam ever

Jake Brown may very well be the luckiest bastard on the planet. Watching this video the first time I nearly pissed myself laughing. You may think that is pretty shitty on my part, however when have you ever seen someone hit a surface with such force that it literally blows their shoes off their feet.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Public Bathroom Etiquette..or lack there of...

There are a few things I have noticed in public bathrooms that drive me nuts. What is on the top of the list?

1. People taking a dump in the stall next to you while they are talking on their cell phone.

2. People standing at the urinal while talking on the cell phone.

3. Standing at the urinal minding your own business and the guy next to you strikes up a conversation.

4. Standing at the urinal looking down and noticing yer stanbdin in a puddle of piss because the jack ass that was there before you had shitty aim.

5. Sitting in the stall while some shithead tries over and over to open the stall door, even though you have made every noise possible to let this asshole know your in there.

6. Stepping into a stall and finding that the dipshit before you either forgot to flush or didn't flush on purpose.

7. Upon closer inspection finding that there is no toilet paper in said toilet. Did the last guy wipe and if so with what?

8. Fucking gang symbols carved into the stall walls.

9. That stupid ryhme "Here I sit broken hearted, tried to shit and only farted."

10. And finally..seeing that someone has wiped shit on the walls.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The Force is with me.

Alright...last quiz I swear. Consider me a geek.

Is the Force with you?
Your Result: True Master Status

Woe be unto the stormtrooper who pisses thy off. You can take on a padawan if you so choose. You are free to choose your own missions, and disagree with the council. Go hand some baddies their @sses, oh, and may the force be with you ;)

Council Member
Young Master
Academy Trainee
Bounty hunter
Undercover sith lord
Imperial Army
Is the Force with you?

A quiz...a quiz...a quiz. Scary but true in my case.

This is so true....That is until I met my wife....who is much more normal than I.

What type of person do you attract?
Your Result: You attract unstable people!

Congrats, you are an 'insane' magnet, and you probably have no idea why. Something about your mix of styles, how you walk not just 'one' lifestyle, but appear to have a foot in them all. To the insane, you appear to be a beacon of hope and they will flock to you, like it or not. But, they ARE insane. Lucky for you, the insane tend to be the best sexual lovers, just the rest of the package deal may not be for you.

You attract geeks!
You attract artsy people!
You attract Yuppies!
You attract rednecks!
You attract models!
What type of person do you attract?
Quizzes for MySpace

Thank the maker that I met my wife. Love ya hun.

A story with no name....

It was a rainy night in the city. The kind of rain that soaks you to the bone. The sky sparkled with flashes of lightning follwed by the cracks of thunder as the atmosphere crashed together after being split by the electricity in the air. I was parked in a back alley half way through a bottle of Jack and half in the bag. It was a stake out..yeah..that's right I was keeping an eye on my meal ticket, the goddess that paid me in advance.

She had busted into my hole of an office crying hysterically. She was being followed and feared for her life. She needed help, my help. They call me Hammer...I'm a PI for hire.

To be continued.....

Sunday, August 26, 2007

I have fallen into the depths for which there is no return.

Yes folks. I have recently discovered that all those scientists types were wrong. The world is indeed flat and I have reached the horizon. It's rather an interesting place where all things logical that follow the laws of science simpy don't. It is a place that I will inhabit for the duration of this existence until which my time elapses and I join oblivion. Come friends, let us away.