Hey, this is my place. Grab a seat and relax for a bit. If you are expecting deep philosophical blather you are going to be dissappointed. You have been warned as some of the opinions discussed on this blog are the opinions of the owner and may or may not align with your own.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Def Leppard - Hysteria

One of my favorites from the boys.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Christmas.....a commentary.

Well Trout faithful...another holiday is complete number 38 for me specifically. The gifts have been opened, the toys assembled, all the bbq smokies, bbq meatballs, deli trays, veggie trays, develed eggs, ham, turkey, cheese, crackers, cookies, pies, eggnog, baileys, and beer have been consumed. The kids have all their toys scattered throughout our home, you can't walk a foot in any direction without stepping on a toy, tripping on a toy, kicking a toy, etc. Ah yes that joyful time of year has passed.

I thought I was going to be able to make it through a Christmas without something to point at and yell aaaaaaargh!!! I was wrong. Ya know what the one thing is that pisses me off during Christmas? It's not the stupid people all around me doing things that aggravate the hell out of me, it's not the dipshit drivers, it's not the writer's that create the rip off bootleg modern versions of the holiday classics (yes I am still quite whipped up about the whole harrassment thing in a Peanuts holiday special), the one thing that makes my blood boil is the packaging that these damn toys come in. Who the hell packages these toys. Here it is Christmas morning and my kids have come downstairs to see all the wonderful things that Santa has brought them whilst they were snuggled in their beds, and it's impossible to get the damn things out of those packages. These toys are secured in the carboard so well, we parents have to run out to the garage and get the following: A knife, carboard cutter, pliers, screw drivers, wire cutters, drill, hammer, torch, jackhammer, and when all that fails we have to bust into the C4 just to get these fucking toys out of the package. All the while your kids are screaming because it is taking you an extraordinary amount of time (a lifetime from a kids perspective) to get the toy out of the package, and then god forbid you have "some assembly required" after that. I'd like to find out who these chuckle heads are that create this packaging and but them sum' bitchez in the mush.

Happy New Year everyone.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

What the???????

I can find no other reason than the season. Wow..that rhymed. Driving home from work today I happened upon a Jeep that merged into the lane in front of me. As I signaled and moved into the middle lane to pass said Jeep, I noticed something odd about the vehicle. After a double take, I realized what I was looking at was true. This car had antlers and a big red nose. These fucking people had decorated their SUV for Christmas. Now, I really like this holiday for it is my favorite above all. My kids are really starting to know what the deal is and it is fun to see them enjoy all the cool things about Christmas. My daughter runs around saying Happy Christmas, and my son runs to the patio window and points to the giant inflatable snowman I installed on the deck and says "man" over and over again. Having said all that, I apologize, but I have to draw the line at decorating your car. That is going a bit far in my opinion. Merry Christmas everyone...and quit decorating your car.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Thank you Beekman!!!!

I never get the questions right on "Are you smarter than a 5th grader". Of course I did come into my own in 8th grade.

JustSayHi - Science Quiz
Want to be a xray technician?


Parents and those offended, please read prior to venturing any further....

online dating

Looking for payday loan?

Done as a Society...part II

Listening to the radio today on the way home from work I heard something that I at first thought was a joke. As the radio host returned from the network pause for identification he re-visited the topic that I thought I had just heard. A company in California has opened the first of many rent-a-pet franchises. The basis is that anyone that can't handle the every day responsibility of owning their own pet can simply rent one for a day...a weekend...whatever. Unbelievable...now we have disposable pets. Can we finally admit that we are most likely not fit for survival as a species? Of all the fake, trendy, piece of shit, fucking ridiculous concepts. As you probably can guess, it ain't cheap to do this either. My question is...are there people in this world who are actually willing to pay for a rent a pet? WTF people...please stop this merry go round for I am getting ill. HEY HUMANITY...FUCK OFF...THERE IS NO HOPE FOR ANY OF YOU!!!!

I think I could take more....


Looking for payday loan?

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Here we are at a Crossroads...

Well friends....my team is at a crucial juncture in this roller coaster season. I for one 4 weeks ago would never have thought the Vikes would be anywhere in the near vicinity of where they are now. As hard as it is for me to admit, I think I have to thank the Green Bay Packers for the reality check they gave the Vikings in that 34-0 ass whoopin. I really think that was the turning point for this team. I had no hope for TJack as a quarterback, our multi-million dollar front line was not living up to the dollars that were being spent, Childress was completely defunct ed, and my thoughts had already gone to next season. Having been a Vikings fan all my life through the bad and the worse, I have had my heart broken by this team year in and year out. I still cringe when I think about '98 when we fucked that up and thank Zeus that I was not old enough to remember the 4 failed Superbowls.

Over the last 4 weeks the Vikes have shown something we all thought was gone, life. Not perfect life mind you, but life non the less. TJack almost overnight looks like he is actually somewhat coherent in the pocket, the front line has turned into a purple moving crew, the one two punch of Peterson and Taylor is best in the league, and the defensive secondary is providing something I'm still shocked to see...coverage. I will refrain from comments about the special teams...for they suck rocks (oops I guess that was a comment). Oh well..as I said, here we go again as we begin to hope against all hope that the Football Gods are looking down on us with favor, while knowing full well that those hopes will be destroyed when the gods turn on us in normal fashion. A mighty swing of their swords will separate our heads from our bodies like a scene out of Highlander. There they will stand over our headless and crumpled corpses as the Quickening lays waste to our football souls sending us once again into the abyss of football purgatory. There we will spend the off season roaming the underworld headless and soulless hoping against hope that next season will be different. Oh the humanity of it all.

But first things first..We MUST crush the Bears of Chicago leaving them broken and bloody on the field this Monday so that all witness what they face in our wrath. For we will show our adversary's no mercy in our quest for victory in Valhalla (Phoenix). Skol Vikings....SKOL!!!!!!

Friday, December 14, 2007

It's a wonderful life....thanks Jimmy

Over the past couple of days my faith in humanity has been challenged to the hilt. The whole Peanuts episode nearly ended me. Well tonight it's Friday and the weekend is before me. Two days to relax...forget about work and re-charge. What better way to begin the weekend than sitting down to the classic "It's a wonderful Life". Jimmy Stewart is one of my all time favorite actors. You won't find another actor gifted with such a natural delivery. This movie is one of his best in my opinion. I just saw my favorite scene where George and Mary get married and were about to leave for their honeymoon when old man Potter attempts to close the Building and Loan. George and Marry forgo their honeymoon to provide the frightened people of Bedford Falls with the money they so desperately need. After George and his uncle successfully keep the Building and Loan from certain doom, he gets a call from his wife instructing him to their new home. That home being the old broken down house that George threw rocks at during he and Mary's first date. It may be quirky, however my favorite scene is when George walks up to the front door where the doorman leans back tipping his hat with the door frame only to have George look down letting the water from the brim of his hat poor into the doorman's open hand. Like I said..maybe quirky, however for me it's the little things in movies that make them for me. If someone is creative enough to insert these little things into a movie, it's the best. Anyway...Happy Holidays everyone, even those folks that manage to piss me off each and every day.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Of all the inconsiderate pieces of....

My fellow man (in this case woman) never ceases to amaze me at the complete self absorbidness (sorry Jason if that ain't a word). I am driving today and I come rolling up to a left hand turn lane where a mini-van was already waiting for the light to turn. I come to a stop and wait along with said mini-van. The light turns green and nothing, the mini van continues to wait there. I can see inside that the visor on the driver side is down and this lady is putting on her fucking make-up. I lay on the horn and she continues to put her make-up on. Finally she flips up the visor and tears through the yellow light to make it. I am sitting there ready to melt down. Does this stupid bitch think she is the center of the fucking universe? Is the sun shining out her ass hole? Who the hell does this chick think she is? UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!! As I wait there for the light to yet again turn green I am creating all kinds of scenarios where this stoopid biotch meets her demise. The light turns green and I roll through the intersection and continue on my way. For whatever reason the traffic gods must have heard my plea....I passed her a bit further down the road pulled off to the side of the road as the trooper wrote her a well deserved ticket. I couldn't help but laugh as I drove by flipping her off through the passenger window and luckily she was looking right at me when I told her through that certain finger gesture that she was #1. What was that Star Trek quote again? Oh yes.

Ah Kirk...my old friend, have you ever heard the Klingon proverb "Revenge is a dish best served cold?" It is very cold in Minnesota.

Here's to you Biotch....(BWA...HA HA HA HA HA)

Monday, December 10, 2007

Done as a society....

I have now seen it all. I am writing this to you during a commercial break from a recently created Peanuts special. In the last scene prior to the current break I witnessed Rerun (supposedly Linus and Lucy's little brother) get suspended from school due to harrassment. A girl in his class was depressed, he told her they should run away to Paris. She thought it was funny so she told her Mom who told the teacher who told the Principal. The Principal called Rerun to the office and then suspended him and sent him home...FOR HARRASSMENT!!!!

What the H...E...Double toothpicks is up with the world? What happened to just the classic Peanuts Specials? What the hell is it with these rip off bootleg new versions of the cartoons that don't come close to the originals?

HARRASSMENT?????? When are we going to see snoopy going to jail for being a Peeping Tom? When are we going to see the episode where the rest of the gang has to do an intervention because Schreoder is hopped up on shrooms all the time? And god forbid they actaully make Pig Pen take a bath because some assfuck out there is offended by it.

Again..I weep for the future....

Hey Humanity...pull yer heads outta yer asses and realize how fucked up you all are!!!!

Tis the season to show the good nature of mankind....NOT

I was hoping that the season we are in would be more than a race to amass material things, where I would bear witness to the goodness of mankind. Well...that went out the fuckin window. I have seen more examples of the evil of mankind than that of the goodness. The shroud of the Dark Side has fallen for sure. Whether it is people actually kicking the shit of of each other for a parking space close to the mall, or people trampling others to get into the store to buy this years most desirable (and soon forgotten) toy. Remember last year when the laughing Elmo was the talk of the town and people were killing each other for it in stores, less than a month later said Elmo were located in the sale bin for 50% off. We need to come to our senses people sooner rather than later. I weep for our future. Do not give into to anger and aggression for these things do lead to the Dark Side, and forever will it dominate your destiny. Hey humanity, try giving of yourself this season and even after that if can manage it and you'll forgive me if I don't hold my breath.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Holy Widgets Batman...

Check out the widgets I have added. For fun and games...scroll all the way to the bottom of this blog. Classic games await. You visit my blog..yer gonna have fun dammit!!!

The Alberta Clipper...an informational blog short

An Alberta clipper, also known as a Canadian Clipper, is a fast moving low pressure area which generally affects the central provinces of Canada and parts of the Upper Midwest and Great Lakes regions of the United States. Most clippers occur between December and February, but can also occur occasionally in the month of November. Alberta Clippers take their name from Alberta, Canada, the province from which they appear to descend, and from clipper ships of the 19th century, one of the fastest ships of that time.

A clipper originates when warm, moist winds from the Pacific Ocean come into contact with the mountains in the provinces of British Columbia and then Alberta. The air travels down the lee side of the mountains, often forming a Chinook in Alberta, then develops into a storm over the Canadian prairies when it becomes entangled with the cold air mass that normally occupies the region in winter. The storm then slides southward and gets caught up in the flow around the mass of high pressure which always inhabits cold polar areas, sending the storm barreling into central and eastern areas of North America.

Ironically, the Chinook which in part originates the Alberta clipper usually brings extremely warm weather (often approaching 21C/70F in the depths of winter) to southern Alberta itself, and the term is therefore not in common use in Alberta.

I would like to thank the folks at Wikipedia for the above narration on what has kicked our asses here in Minnesota over the last 2 weeks.

Ah Kirk...my old friend, have you ever heard the Klingon proverb "Revenge is a dish best served cold?" It is very cold in Minnesota.

The writer of this blog wishes to inform all readers that this entry was meant as an educational attempt, the sub reference to an old Star Trek Movie should be ignored as it is of little relevance to the actual content of the blog short.

And Libby's is.....

Your Elf Name Is...

Freckles Sugar Butt

I guess I am a butt man after all.....ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

In the spirit of the holiday season...

And the fact that the weather girl also took the quiz, here it is.

Your Elf Name Is...

Booty Helper

Actually, I have always been kinda a boob man

Oh well

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

What should I be when I grow up???

This is interesting and for those of you that know my father, it runs in the family. My son is nuts about cars....cripes his first word was car believe it or not. Seriously it was actually car.

You Should Be a Mechanic

You are logical, calm, and detail oriented.
You're rational when things are chaotic, and for you, reason always prevails.
And while you are guided by logic, you aren't a slave to it.
You're flexible when it counts. You are always open to being wrong.

You do best when you:

- Work with your hands
- Can use tools, machines, or equipment

You would also be a good architect or carpenter.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Uh-oh..should have studied more.

I just found out that there is a tool out there that measures the reading level of blogs (thanks Jason). What I found out is that my college education may actually have been hampered by all the beer I consumed. Oh well...never said I was a braniac to begin with...

cash advance

Cash Advance Loans

Duh..which way did he go George, which way did he go???

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Quiet Riot Front Man dies young....

Having spent the majority of my teen years within the 80's, I was inherently affected by the music of the time. I was what they used to call..and I guess still do a headbanger. I fit the image for the most part; t-shirts, ripped up jeans, and yes the mullet. Almost all of the horseman had said mullet(except for Rich who had this stupid tail that I never understood), and listened to the music. We all had our signature bands that we payed homage to. I was a fan of Motley Crue, Jason was a rock solid Kiss fan, Jerry was a Ratt fan, and Rich was partial to Van Halen. Although we each kind of identified with a specific band there were a couple bands that we all liked and one of those was Quiet Riot. The Rock Anthem "Cum on feel the noize," in '83 was a song that I still listen to today as it is part of metal collection programed into the IPOD. Good music. Farewell Dubrow and rest in peace.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Another Thanksgiving under the belt....a loosened belt

Well another year has gone by since the last Thanksgiving entry and the report is much the same. I ate way to much...WAY to much. The house was full of people, uncomfortably hot, and the kids were running rampant much of the week. I am looking forward to being home, however not looking forward to the drive home as 4.5 hours in the car can be an exhausting experience. We are now on approach to the Christmas holiday season and all that brings with it. As always it should be an interesting time..although I hope we don't have a repeat of last year (see December 16th and December 27th blog entry of 2006), as long as we don't have anything close to that we should be fine. May the gods look upon us with mercy.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone...

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Another Thanksgiving is upon us

I type to you from the woods of northern Wisconsin where the Jackson and Williams clans are descending upon the city of Park Falls. It is a small little village where the majority of the population is made up of retirees that have escaped from the dregs of the major industrial centers in the State. Actually, I don't know that there are any major industrial centers in the state of Wisconsin. After all Wisconsin is known for cheese..hence the name of the football team (The Packers). My in-laws have a place tucked away on Blockhouse Lake, 600-700 acres at best, weedy and shallow. One of the main benefits of being here is Park Falls is near the epicenter of one of the best ATV trail systems in the region. You can get on the main trail here at Blockhouse and travel the majority of northern Wisconsin never hitting the same trail twice.

Anyway, here we all sit in the kitchen/dining area all doing a number of things. Dad is talking to Kent and Karen about politics as you will not find a more staunch family of Democrats than the Williams clan. I like to sit and listen to the banter back and forth about the upcoming showdown in 2008. For a change the topic has changed to Horse Shoes and how long they have been in use (my wife's sister in law owns 4 horses, two of which reside on the back forty, and the other two are boarded at a posh boarding facility near by.) Now the topic is the history of the use of iron through the middle ages. I can't keep up.

My thoughts are on the coming feast and mentally preparing myself to handle the plethora of food that will be thrown my way. The tryptophan (no idea if I spelled it right or not) coma that I will inevitably experience after the carnage has passed. The humanity will be that which has not been witnessed since last year at this time.

That is all for now, Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Be safe, eat well, and watch football for that is the American way.

And now...a history of Thanksgiving

The History of Thanksgiving
and its Celebrations

Throughout history mankind has celebrated the bountiful harvest with thanksgiving ceremonies.
Before the establishment of formal religions many ancient farmers believed that their crops contained spirits which caused the crops to grow and die. Many believed that these spirits would be released when the crops were harvested and they had to be destroyed or they would take revenge on the farmers who harvested them. Some of the harvest festivals celebrated the defeat of these spirits.

Harvest festivals and thanksgiving celebrations were held by the ancient Greeks, the Romans, the Hebrews, the Chinese, and the Egyptians.

The Greeks

The ancient Greeks worshipped many gods and goddesses. Their goddess of corn (actually all grains) was Demeter who was honored at the festival of Thesmosphoria held each autumn.

On the first day of the festival married women (possibility connecting childbearing and the raising of crops) would build leafy shelters and furnish them with couches made with plants. On the second day they fasted. On the third day a feast was held and offerings to the goddess Demeter were made - gifts of seed corn, cakes, fruit, and pigs. It was hoped that Demeter's gratitude would grant them a good harvest.

The Romans

The Romans also celebrated a harvest festival called Cerelia, which honored Ceres their goddess of corn (from which the word cereal comes). The festival was held each year on October 4th and offerings of the first fruits of the harvest and pigs were offered to Ceres. Their celebration included music, parades, games and sports and a thanksgiving feast.

The Chinese

The ancient Chinese celebrated their harvest festival, Chung Ch'ui, with the full moon that fell on the 15th day of the 8th month. This day was considered the birthday of the moon and special "moon cakes", round and yellow like the moon, would be baked. Each cake was stamped with the picture of a rabbit - as it was a rabbit, not a man, which the Chinese saw on the face of the moon.

The families ate a thanksgiving meal and feasted on roasted pig, harvested fruits and the "moon cakes". It was believed that during the 3 day festival flowers would fall from the moon and those who saw them would be rewarded with good fortune.

According to legend Chung Ch'ui also gave thanks for another special occasion. China had been conquered by enemy armies who took control of the Chinese homes and food. The Chinese found themselves homeless and with no food. Many staved. In order to free themselves they decided to attack the invaders.

The women baked special moon cakes which were distributed to every family. In each cake was a secret message which contained the time for the attack. When the time came the invaders were surprised and easily defeated. Every year moon cakes are eaten in memory of this victory.

The Hebrews

Jewish families also celebrate a harvest festival called Sukkoth. Taking place each autumn, Sukkoth has been celebrated for over 3000 years.

Sukkoth is know by 2 names - Hag ha Succot - the Feast of the Tabernacles and Hag ha Asif - the Feast of Ingathering. Sukkoth begins on the 15th day of the Hebrew month of Tishri, 5 days after Yom Kippur the most solemn day of the Jewish year.

Sukkoth is named for the huts (succots) that Moses and the Israelites lived in as they wandered the desert for 40 years before they reached the Promised Land. These huts were made of branches and were easy to assemble, take apart, and carry as the Israelites wandered through the desert.

When celebrating Sukkoth, which lasts for 8 days, the Jewish people build small huts of branches which recall the tabernacles of their ancestors. These huts are constructed as temporary shelters, as the branches are not driven into the ground and the roof is covered with foliage which is spaced to let the light in. Inside the huts are hung fruits and vegetables, including apples, grapes, corn, and pomegranates. On the first 2 nights of Sukkoth the families eat their meals in the huts under the evening sky.

The Egyptians

The ancient Egyptians celebrated their harvest festival in honor of Min, their god of vegetation and fertility. The festival was held in the springtime, the Egyptian's harvest season.

The festival of Min featured a parade in which the Pharaoh took part. After the parade a great feast was held. Music, dancing, and sports were also part of the celebration.

When the Egyptian farmers harvested their corn, they wept and pretended to be grief-stricken. This was to deceive the spirit which they believed lived in the corn. They feared the spirit would become angry when the farmers cut down the corn where it lived.

The United States

In 1621, after a hard and devastating first year in the New World the Pilgrim's fall harvest was very successful and plentiful. There was corn, fruits, vegetables, along with fish which was packed in salt, and meat that was smoke cured over fires. They found they had enough food to put away for the winter.

The Pilgrims had beaten the odds. They built homes in the wilderness, they raised enough crops to keep them alive during the long coming winter, and they were at peace with their Indian neighbors. Their Governor, William Bradford, proclaimed a day of thanksgiving that was to be shared by all the colonists and the neighboring Native American Indians.

The custom of an annually celebrated thanksgiving, held after the harvest, continued through the years. During the American Revolution (late 1770's) a day of national thanksgiving was suggested by the Continental Congress.

In 1817 New York State adopted Thanksgiving Day as an annual custom. By the middle of the 19th century many other states also celebrated a Thanksgiving Day. In 1863 President Abraham Lincoln appointed a national day of thanksgiving. Since then each president has issued a Thanksgiving Day proclamation, usually designating the fourth Thursday of each November as the holiday.


Thanksgiving in Canada is celebrated on the second Monday in October. Observance of the day began in 1879

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

A short rant!!!

What the hell is it with the Christmas decorations and sales now?????? Can't we get through Thanksgiving first for cripes sake!!!

20 Year Reunion....where the hell did all those years go?

I recently received word that next year is my high school class reunion. From what people are telling me it has been 20 years since we all walked the walk, accepted our diploma, and embarked on life after high school. In taking a few moments to reflect, a lot has happened in the last 20 years since that day and more importantly I am somewhat alarmed at how fast the years have passed. I really don't feel as old as I am. It doesn't seem that long ago that I had hair down to the middle of my back, my normal dress code was torn up jeans and a t-shirt,and the songs on the radio had nothing to do with g-thangs, gin and juice, and bustin a cap. A simpler time indeed.

I am lucky enough that the people I cared about most in high school I still talk to today as they are my best friends. They are the people that have been there for me through thick and thin, good times and bad. Long periods of time can transpire between our gatherings, however the minute we hook back up it is like we haven't skipped a beat. We start quoting Monty Python, and laughing at our own ingenuity in actually remembering the lines word for word. Originally I had no interest in going as I expect that the old cliques will reform, the same prejudices will surface based on what "status" you held back then even though it has been 20 years. I don't have the faith in the people of my graduating class to move past that and actually act as human beings. Talking to one of my buddies this week, he brought up a good point. Going to the reunion may be fun purely from a people watching perspective, to sit back and watch these social dynamics develop during the festivities could indeed be interesting. During our 10 year reunion, there was all kind of drama. I would liken it to a soap opera. There were accusations of adultery, wine thrown in peoples faces, and threats of violence. Good times man...good times, I think I left early. The only good thing to come out of the 10 year that I am aware of was the fact that a friend of mine met the gal that he would eventually marry. They recently welcomed a little boy to their family (congrats Dave and Kim!!!!).

Anyway, I will most likely go....if my friends decide to show up. Damn...20 years...where did the time go.

For all you trivia buffs, here is the year 1988 at a glance...

Major Events of 1988

Soviets pull out of Afghanistan
Ten day siege of Golden Temple
Longest undersea tunnel opens
Iranian passenger jet shot down by the US
Gorbachev announces unilateral troop cuts

NBA: Los Angeles Lakers vs. Detroit Pistons Series: 4-3
NCAA Football: Notre Dame Record: 12-0-0
Heisman Trophy: Barry Sanders, Oklahoma state, RB points: 1,878
Stanley Cup: Edmonton Oilers vs. Boston Bruins Series: 4-0
Super Bowl XXII: Washington Red Skins vs. Denver Broncos Score: 42-10
US Open Golf: Curtis Strange Score: 278* Course: The Country Club Location: Brookline, MA (*Playoff with Nick Faldo)
World Series: Los Angeles Dodgers vs. Oakland A's Series: 4-1

Popular Music
1."So Emotional" ... Whitney Houston
2."Got My Mind Set on You" ... George Harrison
3."The Way You Make Me Feel" ... Michael Jackson
4."Need You Tonight" ... INXS
5."Could've Been" ... Tiffany
6."Season Change" ... Expose
7."Father Figure" ... George Michael
8."Never Gonna Give You Up" ... Rick Astley
9."Man In the Mirror" ... Michael Jackson
10."Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car" ... Billy Ocean

Popular Movies
1. Beetlejuice
2. Big
3. Bull Durham
4. Cocktail
5. Colors
6. Coming to America
7. Crocodile Dundee II
8. Die Hard
9. A Fish Called Wanda
10. Good Morning, Vietnam

Most Popular Books
1. "The Tommyknockers" by Stephen King
2. "Patriot Games" by Tom Clancy
3. "Kaleidoscope" by Danielle Steele
4. "Misery" by Stephen King
5. "Leaving Home" by Garrison Keillor

1. "Time Flies" by Bill Cosby
2. "Spy Catcher" by Peter Wright
3. "Family: The Ties That Bind" and "Gag" by Erma Bombeck
4. "Veil: Secret Wars of the CIA " by Bob Woodward
5. "A Day in the Life of America" by Rick Smolan

Most Popular Television Shows
1. The Cosby Show (NBC)
2. A Different World (NBC)
3. Cheers (NBC)
4. The Golden Girls (NBC)
5. Growing Pains (ABC)
6. Who's the Boss? (ABC)
7. Night Court (NBC)
8. 60 Minutes (CBS)
9. Murder, She Wrote (CBS)
10. Alf (NBC)

Nobel Prizes
The prize was awarded jointly to: DEISENHOFER, JOHANN, Federal Republic of Germany, Howard Hughes Medical Institute and Department of Biochemistry, University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center at Dallas, TX, U.S.A., b. 1943; HUBER, ROBERT, Federal Republic of Germany, Max-Planck-Institut fÙr Biochemie, Martinsried, b. 1937; and MICHEL, HARTMUT, Federal Republic of Germany, Max-Planck-Institut fÙr Biophysik, Frankfurt/Main, b. 1948: "for the determination of the three-dimensional structure of a photosynthetic reaction centre"

MAHFOUZ, NAGUIB, Egypt, b. 1911: "who, through works rich in nuance - now clear-sightedly realistic, now evocatively ambiguous - has formed an Arabian narrative art that applies to all mankind"


Physiology or Medicine
The prize was awarded jointly to: BLACK, Sir JAMES W., Great Britain, King's College Hospital Medical School, University of London, London, Great Britain, b. 1924; ELION, GERTRUDE B., U.S.A., Wellcome Research Laboratories, Research Triangle Park, NC, b. 1918, d. 1999; and HITCHINGS, GEORGE H., U.S.A., Wellcome Research Laboratories, Research Triangle Park, NC, b. 1905, d. 1998: "for their discoveries of important principles for drug treatment"

The prize was awarded jointly to: LEDERMAN, LEON M., U.S.A., Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory, Batavia, IL, b. 1922; SCHWARTZ, MELVIN, U.S.A., Digital Pathways, Inc., Mountain View, CA, b. 1932; and STEINBERGER, JACK, U.S.A., CERN, Geneva, Switzerland, b. 1921 (in Bad Kissingen, FRG): "for the neutrino beam method and the demonstration of the doublet structure of the leptons through the discovery of the muon neutrino."

Academy Awards
Best Picture: "Rain Man"
Best Director: Barry Levinson ... "Rain Man"
Best Actor: Dustin Hoffman ... "Rain Man"
Best Actress: Jodie Foster ... "The Accused"

Grammy Awards
Record of the Year: "Don't Worry, Be Happy" ... Bobby McFerrin
Best Song: "Don't Worry, Be Happy" ... Bobby McFerrin
Best Album: "Faith" ... George Michael
Male Vocalist: Bobby McFerrin ... "Don't Worry, Be Happy"
Female Vocalist: Tracy Chapman ... "Fast Car"

Tony Awards
Best Play: "M. Butterfly" ... David Henry Hwang
Best Musical: "The Phantom of the Opera"
Best Actor in a play: Ron Silver ... "Speed the Plow"
Best Actress in a play: Joan Allen ... "Burn This"
Best Actor in a musical: Michael Crawford ... "Phantom of the Opera"
Best Actress in a musical: Joanna Gleason ... "Into the Woods"

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Beavis And Butthead - The Great Cornholio

Speaking of the Great Cornholio. Here is that classic episode. Now I need TP for my bunghole

That damn cat!!!!

I am posting this video due to the fact that my cat recently had a case of shithead and completely destroyed an entire roll of tp for my bungholio..as well as certain parts of the wall.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Halloween

Man it was cold tonight. A brisk north wind was blowing as my daughter and I braved the elements to go out and collect the annual candy stash. She had a great time running from house to house, but I have to admit I think I was having more fun watching her trick or treat. We were walking around the neighborhood with my sister, brother-in-law, and my niece. To be a kid again without really a care in the world at that age. After about 20 houses she stops, looks up at me, and says, "Daddy, I think I'm done". Just like that...she was done trick or treating and wanted to get home to check out her goods. We walked back the house and spent the rest of the night as the official candy hander outer at our house. Believe it or not I think she may actually have had a better time handing the candy out with my wife. She greeted every kid as the door opened and told each of them she liked their costume..she even threw in a few trick or treats before the kids at the door could get the words out. A good night was had by all. Happy Halloween everyone, no I must retire to bed and work through this tummy ache..to many snikerdoodles. Oh..reason for the Tigger picture is that was my daughters costume.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Vinnie quits???!!!!

Batman and robin, Butch and Sundance, Chocolate and Peanut Butter, Yin and Yang, all these things exist in harmony together. Because of this balance the space/time continuum remains stable. Any hint of an imbalance and you get a paradox. Well people, prepare for the worst. The space/time continuum took a blow recently that may just cause that paradox bringing all that we know to an end. The Team of Pauly and Vinnie has been dissolved...unbelievable. With the completion of the first e85 chopper ever constructed, Vinnie decided to leave OCC and strike out on his own. I could not believe me eyes watching the season finale from my Fresno Holiday Inn hotel room. Vinnie actually called it quits and left Orange County Choppers. I have to admit I did get a bit misty watching the Vin man pack up his tools and leave. I think Mikey may have taken the news the hardest as he was without words as Vin was leaving. It is the end of an era.

Friday, October 26, 2007

A day off, however not a day of rest....

I was at work yesterday running through emails, answering phone calls, putting out fires, etc. Actually, I should stop and thank the travel gods about actually being in town for once. During the typical chaos of the day, I had a brief moment where I realized that my calendar was completely clean for today. The thought poppped, could I actually have a day where there are no meetings scheduled? I was looking at something that rarely happens. I blocked the time before anyone could jam something on it. I was home free...free to do anything I wanted...free...free...free. Well..reality hit this morning when my daughter woke up my wife and I bright and early...so no sleeping in was possible. I forced myself out of bed and took a shower at the same time I usually take a shower..man I was on a day off right? I came downstairs to the same chaos that I usually do...my wife battling our kids to eat their breakfast. I sat down to my cup of coffee when my wife said, "let's go, we have to get to the doctor for the kids check up". My day off was starting to look bleak. Then all the things that I have had no time to do started creeping into my head, and soon I had a list of 8 or 9 things to do. Was I sure that this was a day off, I am not at work right? Oh well such is life....

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Vikings...consider them a hurtin unit!!

We are in deep trouble. Tavaris has moments of promise only to sink into delirium during the very next week or even the next play. The kid has an rocket for an arm, yet the precision of my son throwing his stuffed toy football. Actually, I may be biased however I think my son has actually thrown a more accurate ball to me during our early football training sessions here in the house. The coaching staff of the Vikings has no idea how to call a play or properly utilize a star running back who blew the doors off the Bears defense two weeks ago. What is this 50/50 usage of Adrian and Chester? Childress comes here with much hope and promise only to completely flounder as the leader of this team. My hope for a bright future anytime before my children graduate is slowly going into the toilet. Go Vikes...yay.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Vikings 34...Bears 31. We won???

What a game today. Tavaris was back and played alright. Still much room for improvement when it comes to pressure situations. Adrian Peterson in my new hero. This kid has got talent and speed to spare. Today he was the reason we got out of Chicago with a win. Well that and Longwell booting a career long 54 yard field goal to clinch it with but seconds on the clock.

Good game...GO VIKES!!!!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Thoughts on what some people have called my birthday...

Yes..it is that day of days, the day of my birth, the day I saw light for the first time, the day I took my first breath, the day I was introduced into the world. A day that will live in infamy. Who am I kidding, it's October 11th and that's it. Another day just like any other day, although I have to say I don't really feel any different. To tell you the truth I don't feel any different than I did when I was 28 ten years ago. I may be balder..oh and a little wider around the mid-section, but I must say I don't feel like I am 38. People say that you get wiser as you age, I don't feel any wiser...and my wife would attest to the fact that I am not any wiser. Hell my kids have already become smarter than I am. I guess all I can do is to keep moving forward..maybe someday I'll feel older and wiser. Until that day comes I will continue to play with my toys, eat, poop, and sleep. Man..life is simple, it's either cherry red..or midnight blue.

Happy Birthday!

11 October 1969
Your date of conception was on or about 18 January 1969 which was a Saturday.

You were born on a Saturday
under the astrological sign Libra.
Your Life path number is 1.

Your fortune cookie reads:
Your skill will accomplish what the force of many cannot.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 3 & 9.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path number 8.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 6, 11 & 22.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2440505.5.
The golden number for 1969 is 13.
The epact number for 1969 is 11.
The year 1969 was not a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/17/1969 and ending 2/5/1970.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Rooster.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Raven; your plant is Ivy.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Choiach, the fourth month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 30 Tishri 5730.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 1 Heshvan 5730.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is which is
12 baktun 17 katun 16 tun 3 uinal 1 kin

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Saturday, 29 Rajab 1389 (1389-7-29).

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 6 April 1969.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 13 April 1969.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 19 February 1969.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 25 May 1969.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 1 June 1969.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 13 September 1969.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 3 April 1969.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 18 February 1969.

As of 10/11/2007 11:27:14 PM EDT
You are 38 years old.
You are 456 months old.
You are 1,983 weeks old.
You are 13,879 days old.
You are 333,119 hours old.
You are 19,987,167 minutes old.
You are 1,199,230,034 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:
Michelle Wie (1989) Michelle Trachtenberg (1985) Artie Lange (1967)
Luke Perry (1966) Joan Cusack (1962) Steve Young (1961)
Dawn French (1957) Elmore Leonard (1925) Art Blakey (1919)
Jerome Robbins (1918) Eleanor Roosevelt (1884) Henry John Heinz (1844)

Top songs of 1969
Aquarius/Let the Sun Shine In by Fifth Dimension
In the Year 2525 by Zager & Evans
Get Back by Beatles (with Billy Preston)
Sugar, Sugar by Archies
Honky Tonk Women by Rolling Stones
Everyday People by Sly & the Family Stone
Dizzy by Tommy Roe
Wedding Bell Blues by Fifth Dimension
I Can't Get Next to You by Temptations
Crimson & Clover by Tommy James & the Shondells

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 5.4320939334638 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)

Your lucky day is Friday.
Your lucky number is 6.
Your ruling planet(s) is Venus.
Your lucky dates are 6th, 15th, 24th.
Your opposition sign is Aries.
Your opposition number(s) is 9.

Today is not one of your lucky days!

There are 366 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 39 candles.

Those 39 candles produce 39 BTUs,
or 9,828 calories of heat (that's only 9.8280 food Calories!) .
You can boil 4.46 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1969 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.
In 1969 the US population was approximately 179,323,175 people, 50.6 persons per square mile.
In 1969 in the US there were approximately 1,800,000 marriages (9.3%) and 479,000 divorces (2.5%)
In 1969 in the US there were approximately 1,712,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.

In 1969 the population of Australia was approximately 12,407,217.
In 1969 there were approximately 250,175 births in Australia.
In 1969 in Australia there were approximately 112,470 marriages and 10,930 divorces.
In 1969 in Australia there were approximately 106,496 deaths.

Your birthstone is Tourmaline

The Mystical properties of Tourmaline

Pink Tourmaline promotes female balance and protection. Green Toumaline promotes male balance.
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Opal, Jasper

Your birth tree is

Rowan, the Sensitivity
Full of charm, cheerful, gifted, without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good

I know, I know...more than anyone wanted to know about my birthday. My apologies dammit...after all it is MY BLOG and you are a guest here fro cryin out loud!!!

Monday, October 08, 2007

Working out again..been a while

I have over the last few months began lifting again with very positive results, although I have noticed that with age comes a slower recovery time as well as a bit more creaks and cracks as the heavy weights go up. I have reached a 280 lb. bench, a feat I had not accomplished since college all those years ago. A personal goal of mine since 2 years ago I went through some major shoulder surgery on the right arm that took 3 months of physical therapy and another 8 months of recovery time.

What I do find to be kinda funny is seeing all the youngsters in the weight room. I find it funny because I used to be just like them. Attempting to lift weights that they know are WAY TO HEAVY for them. You see them loading the plates on the bar, laying down on the bench, grabbing the bar, breathing heavy with the first lift, only to see the bar crash down on their chest. Just yesterday I thought this kid's head was gonna blow off as the bar hit him square in the chest. If I hadn't of pulled the bar up it (his head) very well might have come off. I cracked a smile when he said, "thanks for the spot man..I had it". "No, you didn't" I said, as I warned him about breakin his shit trying to lift to heavy. Other's are walking by every mirror they can checking themselves out of the corner of their eye..flexing to make sure that everyone sees just how freakin ripped they are. Turning sideways between machines cause they are just to wide to walk straight through. Show Boaters, Grand Standers, Wannabe Superstars, ridiculous, and I was just like them. When I think about it, it's quite a humbling experience really. Was I really that much of a punk ass idiot? Yes...yes I was.

Meat..meat..the magical food....farewell

A friend of mine has been chronicling his journey of a life without meat. Although he did not start said journey because of health reason's, the affects have been beneficial to his health. The result is weight loss. There is nothing I like better than sinking my teeth into a think steak doused in 'chup. Now it can't be just any 'chup, there are unwritten laws that must be followed regarding the use of 'chup as there is no room for bootleg 'chup. And those that use bootleg 'chup should be completely destroyed with extreme prejudice. My thoughts and opinions regarding the useless and quite ridiculous discussion of the difference in 'chup and bootleg 'chup will have to fill the halls of another blog post. Anyway...through my friends example I have also decided to begin a journey of a life without meat to see what that life will bring. Consider this.....October 8th 2007, a day that will live in infamy...or just call it Day 1 of operation Absence of Meat.

Wish me luck..I am already craving a hamburger and I just finished typing this damn blog entry.

Damn quizzes...

Why the hell can't the programmers of these fucking quizzes get the graphics to line up right. These damn things just end up screwing your Blog up and making it look freakin retarded. AAAAGH!!!!

For you Scif-Fi lovers..a quiz of Serenity

The quizzes are abound yet again....looks as though I am...

Your results:
You are Malcolm Reynolds (Captain)

Malcolm Reynolds (Captain)
Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command)
Wash (Ship Pilot)
Jayne Cobb (Mercenary)
Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic)
Derrial Book (Shepherd)
Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic)
Inara Serra (Companion)
A Reaver (Cannibal)
River (Stowaway)
Honest and a defender of the innocent.
You sometimes make mistakes in judgment
but you are generally good and
would protect your crew from harm.

Click here to take the Serenity Personality Quiz

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Signs that you could be a Minnesotan...

A buddy of mine not from this great state of mine sent this to me. Surprisingly accurate although not totally. It is quite scary what other's perceptions of us are. Stupid foreigners!!!!!

You measure distance in minutes.
Down south to you means Iowa.
Snow tires came standard on your car.
75% of your graduating class went to the University of Minnesota.
People from other states love to hear you say words with O's in them.
You hate Fargo but realize that a lot of your family has that accent.
You assume when you say "Twin Cities" people know to where you're referring.
You know what uff-da means and how to use it properly.
You own an ice house, snowmobile, and a 4-wheel drive vehicle.
You know that when it comes to AM, there is only WCCO; besides, what else do you need?
Everyone you know has a cabin.
You consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping the food will swim by.
You are proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation.
You have refused to buy something because it's too "spendy."
You're a card-carrying member of both the NRA and the ACLU.
Your local Dairy Queen is closed from December through February.
You have no concept of public transportation.
You instinctively walk like a penguin for three months out of the year.
Someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there.
You know more than one person that has hit a deer.
Your dad's sun tan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead.
You have apologized to a telemarketer.
You may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Lutefisk.
You know what Mille Lacs is and how to spell it.
Nothing gets you madder than seeing a Green Bay sticker on a Minnesota car.
You have worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
You have either a pet or a child named "Kirby."
Your town has an equal number of bars and churches.
You have had an entire telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.
The only reason you go to Wisconsin is to get fireworks, to fish, or to buy beer on Sunday.
You know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, and Shakopee.
You grew up thinking rice was only for dessert.
You think that ketchup is a little too spicy.
You drink POP, not SODA.
You always believed that vacation meant "going up north."
Every January, from age 2 to l3, you let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post.
You consider Lime Jell-O a highly versatile food: a breakfast dish when filled with fruit, a salad when it has shredded carrots and a dab of mayonnaise, and a dessert when topped with Dreamwhip.
You never had to rewind any part of "Fargo" because you missed some of the dialogue.
You call highways freeways.
Your town has an annual festival honoring a fruit, vegetable, or ethnic food.
The first time you saw "Grumpy Old Men," you thought it was a documentary.

Monday, October 01, 2007

My son the monkey

My son has learned his skill. He has the god given talent to scale any object, preferably something that will assist him in gaining any altitude higher than his mere 26 inch frame will allow. Over the weekend it rained here....when I say rained..it poured basically day and night. I emptied the rain gauge each morning and each time it had no less than 3/4 of an inch each time. Long story longer, the plethora of rain caused a situation where the kids were forced to stay inside over the weekend. Because of this..a serious case of stir crazy was upon us mid-way through Saturday afternoon. One of the symptoms that first reared it's ugly head was my son's aptitude for climbing. Anything was game; stairs, chairs, tables, ladders, my leg, my wife's leg, the kitchen cabinets, the railings, you name it and he was climbing it. Now, it would have been tolerable had he only climbed things. Unfortunately, his climbing things ultimately had an ulterior motive. Out of all the things that he enjoys climbing on, his favorite is by far the kitchen table. He begins by pulling one of the chairs out, climbing on top of that, and then onto the top of the table. Late Saturday afternoon, I came downstairs, turned the corner, and who happened to be sitting on the table but my son. The minute I hit the hard wood floor, his head turned and his expression was similar to our friend pictured in the upper left corner of this blog entry. Dad had come down just in time to discover that my son had emptied the contents of the salt shaker onto his head and all over the table. He had been joined in the crime scene by his accomplice, Hobbes the Cat who was doing his best to lick up all the evidence. BUSTED! All I could do was laugh. What was that kid thinkin?

Friday, September 21, 2007

Road Rage...the return

I swear...I swear I have been good. I have tried the path of patience with the driver's here in Minnesota, today was to no avail. The society of dumb shit driver's must have had a meeting in Minneapolis and it's surrounding suburbs. These fucking chuckle heads were everywhere I turned today. First off was captain shit fuck that pulled out in the middle of the intersection on a yellow light to make sure he didn't have to wait. All the while the rest of us are forced to sit in place with the green our way. I pulled my truck up to this assholes door and proceeded to lay on the horn. He looked at me like I had two heads and I was in the wrong, that is until my brethren joined me in pulling up and laying on their horns. A few blocks later I ran into his wife Mrs. Shit fuck. This lady had the blond hair and the superstar glasses on trying her best to be someone she obviously wasn't. You can't hide the fact that you look like a hundred miles of dirt path with dyed blond hair and the bug glasses bitch...oh, and you can't drive worth a shit either. She had decided to pull out into oncoming traffic on a yellow light stopping everyone coming the other way, she did this while chatting on her cell phone. BITCH!!! The last run in with the clan of shit heads was the moron on the on ramp to 77 from 494. People that drive with a bit of common sense know that if traffic is backed up a bit on 494 that they should try and get into the far right lane so as not to jam up traffic up ahead. What I love is seeing these assholes cruise up to the split where you either get on 77 or go left to the Mall of the Universe and cut in. For some reason these fucks think that their shit don't stink and they don't have to wait like the rest of us. This fucker cock was trying to do just that, NOT on my watch. I saw in my rear view what this dick was trying to do so I left a bit of space between me and the car in front of me...baiting this simpleton. He took the bait and sped up to get in. I hammered the gas and blocked this jerk at the last minute sending him almost into the wall. Needless to say he saw much more of the Mall than he had planned on. As I heard his horn, I saluted him the only way I knew how and flipped this prick the bird. The cars behind me had seen my move and congratulated me as they passed further on down the road. Revenge is a dish best served cold...it is very cold in space! Sorry...Trek reference that had no bearing on this story.


Monday, September 17, 2007

The paranormal...real or load of crap???

Well here we go...a study on the paranormal. According to Wikipedia, their description of the paranormal is as follows, "Paranormal is an umbrella term used to describe a wide variety of reported anomalous phenomena. According to the Journal of Parapsychology, the term paranormal describes "any phenomenon that in one or more respects exceeds the limits of what is deemed physically possible according to current scientific assumptions."[1] For this reason, the scientific community often avoids research on the paranormal, believing that it may not conform to the standards required by the scientific method."

Many people whole heartedly believe that the other side does indeed exist. In my personal experience I have no first hand experience that would prove whether the other side exists or not. I have however been privy to information although not firsthand that could make one at least venture the thought that some things just can't be explained through normal scientific venue.

One of my favorite shows on television is a series named Ghost Hunters on Sci Fi. The thing I respect about these guys is that they go into any investigation with the intent to disprove it, not prove it. Many of the other television shows that also report on the topic of the paranormal seem intent on proving that the paranormal exists. The guys from TAPS (The Atlantic Paranormal Society) go after these occurrences with a fervor to debunk the phenomena. The footage that I have seen has made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. Does it prove anything, hardly, just that some of the things that they have documented either via video, thermo, or EVP (Electronic voice phenomena)are not easily explained.

That is all for this episode people, now I am off to bed to sleep with the light on.

Does the paranormal exist????

This will be part one of a series of my thoughts on the paranormal. Are the things that go bump in the night real? Is there something beyond our lifetime? Yoda said it best when he told Luke, "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter." Do we transgress into something like the force? Are we all a part of something bigger than ourselves that is guided by a higher power? To tell you the truth...I don't know. I don't think anyone has any idea what happens, if anything. Through the power of the Internet we'll explore this phenomena and search for proof.

Alright...I'm back from the precipice

My last blog entry was a bit over the top along the lines of self pity. Well that party has come to a close. What the hell do I really have to bitch about? In a word..nothing, nothing at all. That was actually three words, sorry. I have a good job, great family, and a nice place to raise my kids. As for the liberal pinko / conservative pinko blather..I will leave that to those much more in the know to communicate as they are much more capable than I.

For now, the near, and the distant future, I will continue as a tick farting in a wind storm. As I have come to realize, a wind storm starts with one little tick farting why can't it be my tick fart that starts it. (At this time I would like to extend an apology to all those meteorologists that know damn well that the wind don't start due to a tick fart, it is a complex situation involving temperature, dew point, air pressure, and a great many other things.)

As for the rest of you...a brother of mine gave me some good advice recently. Always look on the bright side of life (insert whistling here). Words to live by.


Saturday, September 15, 2007

Such is existence....

Does it take any real skill to exist? In my case the answer would most likely be no. For every day I awake to find that the sun has come up yet again, I have to pee yet again, and another day of work is upon me. Existing isn't hard at all. What is hard is trying to make a difference in the world. Now everyone step back and chill the fuck out for a minute, this isn't some liberal pinko political philosophy lesson. I am not philosophical to begin with so I would never claim to have a philosophy nor the ability to philosophize (may have just invented a word there). By difference I mean the little stuff. Getting my daughter to actually use the potty instead of the diaper. Landing the concept of kicking the ball to Daddy versus picking it up and handing it to me. Those types of things...those are the hard things, even though they are enjoyable at times. I ain't out to change the world like I was when I graduated college. I had dreams of grandeur that I would have an incredible impact on the world, change things for the better. My impact on this world can be compared to a tick farting in a wind storm.

Let the smarts figure out and change the world...they are the ones that believe they can do it, whether they are qualified to do it or not. I'll keep meandering through life and take the days one at a time. One day, maybe if I am lucky, I'll retire and move north, get out of the worlds way and quietly exist until it's time to take the dirt nap.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Agghhh..will the madness ever stop!!

I tried this one interested in the outcome. I have a lot of respect for Steven Spielberg as I am a fan of his work. I think the dude from Who's Line is it Anyway is hilarious, so I don't mind that one either. Elton John...maybe if I wore the same toupee as he did...created a space in my front teeth, oh and wore the stupid glasses. Then again...how bout absolutely NOT!!! Actually...does that mean I can attach the prefix "Sir" to my name? Bloody peasant!!!!


A quiz...a quiz...another freakin quiz!!

Your results:
You are Green Lantern

Green Lantern
Iron Man
The Flash
Wonder Woman
Hot-headed. You have strong
will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

A buddy of mine who shall remain nameless keeps posting these quizzes on his blog site, thereby causing me to partake in said quiz only to post the results on my blog. According to this quiz....I am a member of the Green Lantern Corps. Actually, I suppose I should be grateful as I was almost Catwoman.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

A new season begins...Go Vikes!!

Well, tonight I returned home from this years fantasy draft. I can honestly say that this year's draft went much better than last years. The thing I am concerned about is my team, not my draft team, the Minnesota Vikings. This year could be a painful one for the Vikes. The days of the superstars are gone. No Culpepper, no Moss, no Carter, no anyone really. Adrian Peterson could be a bright star, but he is untried and unproven in the pros. It sounds kinda stupid really, however there is no real face of the Vikings. I was at the final pre-season game against Dallas and it was Matt Birk that lead the team out, I like Matt Birk so don't get me wrong however when was the last time you saw a team led onto the field by an offensive lineman? Most teams, the fans couldn't name one of their offensive line. It is a strange time for the Vikings, they are a team that is brand new for all intents and purposes. I have been a Vikings fan all my life and in being a fan I have always had that familiarity with my team. This year I can't say that. I am a fan of the Vikings, I just don't recognize the team. Oh well, I will watch the games and most likely have my heart broken yet again for another season..in the end that is what makes a fan. The willingness to watch with all the hope in the world only to have it smashed to pieces. After all these years I still bleed purple.

Friday, August 31, 2007

A story with no name...continued again...

As I rounded the corner out of the alley, I could see the flames from the cab..there was nothing left of that cab larger than a postage stamp. As I stood there thinking about the chick that was now a series of charcoal briquette's strewn across 3rd and 7th, I was really glad that she had paid my in advance. I turned to walk back to the Olds when the lights went out.....shit.

A story with no name...continued...

She was heading out for the night. She looked my way as she flagged down a cab. The Late Spot was where she was headed. As the cab pulled away, I fired up the Oldsmobile and listened to those eight cylinders roar! Taking another pull of my bottle I dropped the clutch and stomped on the gas. In no time I was up with the cab. I followed it for a few blocks...that's when the bullets started flying. I hit the brakes and turned the Olds down the alleyway hoping these assholes would follow, they took the bait. I reached under the seat, grabbed my gun, and unleashed hell. The front window of the car following me shattered and swerved into a dumpster. I slammed on the brakes again and slid to a stop, in a heart beat I was out of the car making swiss cheese out of the bastards that decided to mess with the wrong guy. Nice try fellas, now it's all over but the bleeding.

As I stood there waiting for my heart to slow down, I heard the explosion 2 blocks away....shit.

Danger Mouse..a true hero!

One of the cheesiest and best example of British anime. This series was the epitome of spoofing the secret agent genre, only they did it in the form of an animated cartoon. Danger Mouse was more of a fool than hero. The truly best part of the series was that of his faithful side kick Penfold. This was one of many programs that I grew up with watching Nickelodeon..it was the best!

The Minnesota State Fair

Oh my GOD!!!!! I hope I used those exclamation points correctly. After a staggering 10 hours at the Great Minnesota Get Together, my digestive tract finally hollered "uncle". I think I may have gained approximately 15 pounds today. Up until this point in time, I was down almost 10 since getting back on the exercise horse after joining the local Lifetime Fitness. My day consisted of...well...eating. On the menu you ask? A turkey sandwich, cheese curds, a scotch egg, fried walleye on a stick, fried catfish on a stick, deep fried spam curds (don't ask), another order of cheese curds, a cup of Sweet Martha's cookies, another order of deep fried spam curds (don't ask), and an ear of roasted corn. Believe it or not towards the end of the day I was contemplating another turkey sandwich, I just couldn't bring myself to go up to the lady and order it. Mixed in there were miscellaneous sodas, bottled waters, oh and an ICEE. I traded a few comments with Dan Barreiro (KFAN 4-7 pm) about the Vikings performance last night against the Dallas Cowboys, and managed to get on the 5 pm edition of the local FOX news program. All in all a pretty eventful day and a good one altogether, that is until I developed a case of colon blow while loading the kids in the truck to get home. Ya know that feeling where you're nowhere near a bathroom and your colon starts kicking your ass for everything you've thrown at it that day. Needless to say the drive home was focused on not spackling my pants and luckily was very successful.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Jake Brown falls 40+ feet- worst slam ever

Jake Brown may very well be the luckiest bastard on the planet. Watching this video the first time I nearly pissed myself laughing. You may think that is pretty shitty on my part, however when have you ever seen someone hit a surface with such force that it literally blows their shoes off their feet.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Public Bathroom Etiquette..or lack there of...

There are a few things I have noticed in public bathrooms that drive me nuts. What is on the top of the list?

1. People taking a dump in the stall next to you while they are talking on their cell phone.

2. People standing at the urinal while talking on the cell phone.

3. Standing at the urinal minding your own business and the guy next to you strikes up a conversation.

4. Standing at the urinal looking down and noticing yer stanbdin in a puddle of piss because the jack ass that was there before you had shitty aim.

5. Sitting in the stall while some shithead tries over and over to open the stall door, even though you have made every noise possible to let this asshole know your in there.

6. Stepping into a stall and finding that the dipshit before you either forgot to flush or didn't flush on purpose.

7. Upon closer inspection finding that there is no toilet paper in said toilet. Did the last guy wipe and if so with what?

8. Fucking gang symbols carved into the stall walls.

9. That stupid ryhme "Here I sit broken hearted, tried to shit and only farted."

10. And finally..seeing that someone has wiped shit on the walls.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The Force is with me.

Alright...last quiz I swear. Consider me a geek.

Is the Force with you?
Your Result: True Master Status

Woe be unto the stormtrooper who pisses thy off. You can take on a padawan if you so choose. You are free to choose your own missions, and disagree with the council. Go hand some baddies their @sses, oh, and may the force be with you ;)

Council Member
Young Master
Academy Trainee
Bounty hunter
Undercover sith lord
Imperial Army
Is the Force with you?

A quiz...a quiz...a quiz. Scary but true in my case.

This is so true....That is until I met my wife....who is much more normal than I.

What type of person do you attract?
Your Result: You attract unstable people!

Congrats, you are an 'insane' magnet, and you probably have no idea why. Something about your mix of styles, how you walk not just 'one' lifestyle, but appear to have a foot in them all. To the insane, you appear to be a beacon of hope and they will flock to you, like it or not. But, they ARE insane. Lucky for you, the insane tend to be the best sexual lovers, just the rest of the package deal may not be for you.

You attract geeks!
You attract artsy people!
You attract Yuppies!
You attract rednecks!
You attract models!
What type of person do you attract?
Quizzes for MySpace

Thank the maker that I met my wife. Love ya hun.

A story with no name....

It was a rainy night in the city. The kind of rain that soaks you to the bone. The sky sparkled with flashes of lightning follwed by the cracks of thunder as the atmosphere crashed together after being split by the electricity in the air. I was parked in a back alley half way through a bottle of Jack and half in the bag. It was a stake out..yeah..that's right I was keeping an eye on my meal ticket, the goddess that paid me in advance.

She had busted into my hole of an office crying hysterically. She was being followed and feared for her life. She needed help, my help. They call me Hammer...I'm a PI for hire.

To be continued.....

Sunday, August 26, 2007

I have fallen into the depths for which there is no return.

Yes folks. I have recently discovered that all those scientists types were wrong. The world is indeed flat and I have reached the horizon. It's rather an interesting place where all things logical that follow the laws of science simpy don't. It is a place that I will inhabit for the duration of this existence until which my time elapses and I join oblivion. Come friends, let us away.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

A bit of a rant....

A buddy of mine posted a blog about being the old guy at a metal concert. His description of the fans there watching what I would consider a decent band touched a nerve in me. What is with the youth of today? Now..stop right there in your tracks. I don't need any commentary from any of you youngsters tellin me I'm to old. I am to old...to old to deal with all of your bullshit. I never thought I would be saying this...I weep for the future. Kids these days have this delusion that they are all rock stars, that they are entitled to everything with little or no effort. Another thing they all seem to little or no grasp of is something called respect...for themselves or anyone else for that matter. Now, I was an asshole when I was a kid. I tried to be a rebel with the long hair, torn up jeans, Motley Crue t-shirts, and loud music blasting out of the car speakers. One difference is I always had respect for people..something kids these days have no comprehension of...damn little whipper snappers. Now I have to eat my applesauce and take a nap.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Father's day

Haven't had much to blog about lately. Life has been on cruise control for a while now. Work, sleep (a little), eat, work again. The kids are growing each day. My daughter is becoming this little individual with her own personality, much to fast for her father. My son is climbing all over hell, falling down, climbing again, falling down. The kid has got enough bumps and bruises that each time we take the kids to gramma's house my mom looks at me and says "don't you watch this kid?" My response to her today was, "he's a boy mom and that's what boys do". What was funny was that my dad said the same thing at the same time I did. He knows. It's the small things that really drive home the things we take for granted. Father's know their sons. My dad knows me, and I know Gunnar. It is very cool being a dad to my son. My dad has always been my hero and the best dad around. Growing up my friends would tell me I had the coolest dad, and they were right. Thinking back about all the things he has done for me. He taught me how to fish, He has tried to teach me how to cook and I do say tried (I can and have screwed up a bowl of corn flakes), He bought me my first car, worked on it for a month to restore it, then taught me how to take care of it. Even though I am not a gear head like he is, everything I know about cars I learned from him. He helped me move to college and back again for 4 years, he helped me move to Chicago and back, He helped me out when I bought my first car, He helped me out when I bought my first house, he has helped me out in my current house more times than I can count. He even cut my yard while Libby, I, and the kids were away on vacation. There are millions more examples big and small where my dad has come through for me..to many to list here. The most important thing he has taught me is how to be a man, and I am very grateful this day and every day for what he has done for me. He has set the bar for what a dad should be. I hope I can be that kind of a dad for my kids. Thanks Dad.

Friday, May 25, 2007

In Memory.....

A quick blog to pay my respects to those that have made the ultimate sacrifice in defending freedom. And to those who currently serve or have served this country, my humble thanks and appreciation.

Have a safe and happy holiday weekend.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

A new planet discovered

Scientists have discovered a new planet about the size of Neptune. The surface is covered with what they are describing as solid water. The atmosphere is made up of hydrogen, and the temperature of that atmosphere is incredibly hot, so hot that the water should be vaporized. The pressure of the atmosphere is so great that it actually is keeping the water from vaporizing and pressing it into a solid state, much like ice. Kind of hard to wrap your head around huh?

You heard it here folks....right here...class dismissed.

Hello from Ardmore Oklahoma!!!!!

Here I sit at the Holiday Inn located in sunny Ardmore, Oklahoma. It's an older hotel, where you enter the rooms from the outside. Ardmore is a small town relatively speaking. The people are very hospitable, and the sweet tea is flowing. My mom was born in the south, Nashville to be exact. Growing up we took many trips down south to spend time with my mom's side of the family. That family consisted of her mother, or my Granny and her 4 brothers. My uncles are a strange lot...typical rednecks I guess you could say. Some of the things I had heard them say can't be mentioned here as they would most definitely offend someone. Let's just say they are rednecks...true rednecks with every sense of the word. Good people...just rednecks. Did I mention that they were rednecks?

Anyway...what I really wanted to talk about was something that you just can't get anywhere else but the south...nectar of the gods....SWEET TEA. Sweet tea is available anywhere you go. McDonald's, Burger King, KFC, Wendy's...anywhere that they serve refreshments...there is sweet tea. If you sit down to order something at a restaurant the first thing you hear isn't, "Can I get you something to drink?" it's "Can I get y'all some sweet tea?" Amazing....I live for the day that I hear that in Minnesota. Now..the source of this obsession with sweet tea is the fault of my granny. She used to make tea, sweet tea in a big jar that she would let sit in the sun after filling it 1/3 full with sugar. I learned to drink tea that way....it reminds me of the trips we took down to Nashville, what a great town.

Good people of the south. There is a marked difference down here from up north. People move at a slower pace down here...not that they're stupid or slow...they just don't get all whipped up about stuff. They help each other out, all the ladies call ya darlin, it's just very down home where they know you by name and treat you like family.

A buddy of mine will soon call the south his home along with his lovely rocket scientist wife. I think they will like it...once you get past the scorching heat, armadillos that will attack, rattlers, and fire ants. Good luck to you my friend...I'll look ya'll up when I down next time, until then ya'll take care now ya hear?

Saturday, May 12, 2007

I missed it...dammit

All the people that really matter to me in the world (besides my family) got together last night to meet the newest edition to our family of friends...and I missed it. Luckily I was able to read a brief run down of the nights events written by one of the horseman whom I call my brother. It sounds like the air was thick, the brew was flowing, and everyone had a good time...and I missed it. For those of you that have children, it is difficult to get time to do the adult things that my wife and I used to do quite often. Friday and Saturday nights were filled with dinner, movies, liquor, and even that 3 letter word. Now...many, many lifetimes later, we have been destroyed, beaten down, only the corpses of rebels, ashes of dreams and blood stained streets...oh..sorry...I digress. Anyway...it seems that this new edition to our family of friends has earned the name Indy. Sounds like a decent enough name and suits her well due to her origin (at least as much as I know about it). I for one am glad my friend has found someone that he enjoys spending time with. I look forward to meeting her sometime in the near future.

For my friends that I missed last night..I apologize and hope the night was a good one.

Take care....and Muppy Mup.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

The Farmers Market

Last weekend we took the family to the Farmer's Market. A cluster of people that get together to sell baked goods, brats, flowers, fresh fruit, etc. I find it a good place to people watch while enjoying all the food it has to offer (at quite exorbitant prices). Being in the city you get the folks that throw a hat on the street and play their instruments, anything from guitars, to accordions, to harmonicas, there was even a guy playing a wood saw if you can believe that. These folks have amazing talent for playing on the street. It is a pretty cool atmosphere and the people are nice enough. All in all a good time and neat place to take the kids. I would recommend it.


Never mind...I almost thought about something..then it was gone, leaving nothing once again. False alarm. Really there has not been much going on to write about. I get up, go to work, come home, put the kids to bed, go to bed, sometimes I sleep, get up and do it all over again. Wow..what a dreary existence. This may be my last entry as this blog may come to a close.


I have nothing to say..for I think about nothing..am capable of nothing..therefore my existence is nothing. Makes things easy if your really think about it..of course I don't think about anything so I really don't have anything to think about thereby negating my last thought of which I didn't have in the first place.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

My kids are smarter than I

A few weeks back I had arrived home from work to find chaos had again taken over the house. the minute I cracked the seal on the kitchen door I was greeted by the whaling of my son because my wife could not get the food to him fast enough (this kid can eat). My daughter was running all over like a kid possessed (no really, I think she is). My wife was doing her best to hold the fort during that last hour before I usually get home where the chaos ensues. I went upstairs changed clothes and came back down to relative quiet. While dinner was cooking, my wife and I shared the events of our day and like everyday my son was interjecting his usual bits of attitude because we weren't looking directly at him. As our conversation struggled to continue, his grunts and hollers continued to increase in volume. The day had been a long one and my fuse was very short and I finally lost it, looked at Gunnar and said "SILENCE"...to which my daughter ran over and said, "Daddy, he is ONLY a baby ya know". Suddenly, I felt a bit silly that I had just been schooled by my daughter with a lesson in humility and patience. When did she become smarter than I?

Sunday, April 01, 2007

It's 1979 all over again.....

Iran vs. Britain. I was listening to the news this morning while reading the paper. The anchor caught my attention when he began updating the current situation between the Brits and the Iranians. He re-hashed the video testimonies given by the captured marines describing how they were caught in Iranian waters and that the detainees agreed with their captors in that they were in the wrong. The picture on the screen changed to coverage of the protests outside the British Embassy in Iran...all I could think of was how similar that picture looked to the protests that took place outside the American Embassy 28 years ago. We all know where that one ended up. What a world we currently live in.....can we as human beings survive despite ourselves?

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Holy bodily functions!!!!

When I arrived home tonight after work, my house was a giant bodily function. My wife mentioned that my son's nose had been running all day. All I can say is she wasn't kidding, I can honestly say that I have never witnessed a snot bubble the size of the one my son blew out of his nose tonight. I swear it was as big as his head...it was like Sputnik, round but quite pointy in parts. It was like an orange on a toothpick...apologies as I sub-reference. As if the snot bubble was not enough, he had a case of the sneezes as well. The only way I can describe it would be to compare it to that scene in the exorcist, only it was snot and that stream flew all the way across the kitchen scaring the shit outta the cat when it hit him. Eeeeeuuuuuwweeeee! Picture me chasing the cat attempting to wipe off a load of snot dripping from his fur. Again I say eeeuuuwee!!!!

As if that was not enough..my daughter, yes my beautiful little girl had a poopie tonight. Again..I can honestly say that I have never in all my years seen a turd of that size. This thing was gigantic. I stood there in complete and utter disbelief that that thing came out of my daughter. It plugged up the toilet upstairs for cripes sakes......now that was a turd.

I realize that none of you may have wanted to here about tonight's events, however they both were so monumental on the gross-o-meter I had to share. For those of you with a weaker constitution, my apologies for any discomfort or nausea reading this blog may have caused.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Bring on the feedback

For those of you who read this blog...feel free to comment. I have enabled that function.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Ahh..Saturday mornings.....

There is nothing like a Saturday morning. Today the kids actually let the wife and I sleep until 8:00 am, that never happens. Breakfast was a battle to get one lousy waffle in my daughter. My son has developed a habit of yelling at the top of his lungs any time a spoon isn't near his mouth ready to shovel something into it...the little pig!!! I was making the attempt to eat some cereal..but was interrupted by my daughter getting angry at her puzzle and zinging it across the living room, my son digging in the plant and throwing the rocks onto the freshly re-done hard wood floor, again with my son pulling up the heat vent and reaching into the chasm, again with my son throwing a shoe cuz he couldn't find his nuk. Ah yes...the sound of Saturday mornings.

My daughter and I created a game that I like to call Gunnar Plinko that consists of my daughter and I sitting at the top of the stairs with two beach balls while my son is at the bottom of the stairs pounding on said stair. While my son sits at the bottom of the stairs my daughter and I unleash hell and roll the beach balls down the stairs. Points are earned for the following; a miss is no points, a glancing blow to the body is worth 1 point, a glancing blow to the head is worth 2 points, a full blast to the face is worth 3 points. This morning my daughter won due to her being ahead in the points when my wife finally discovered what it was we were doing and called the game.

Party pooper.....