When I arrived home tonight after work, my house was a giant bodily function. My wife mentioned that my son's nose had been running all day. All I can say is she wasn't kidding, I can honestly say that I have never witnessed a snot bubble the size of the one my son blew out of his nose tonight. I swear it was as big as his head...it was like Sputnik, round but quite pointy in parts. It was like an orange on a toothpick...apologies as I sub-reference. As if the snot bubble was not enough, he had a case of the sneezes as well. The only way I can describe it would be to compare it to that scene in the exorcist, only it was snot and that stream flew all the way across the kitchen scaring the shit outta the cat when it hit him. Eeeeeuuuuuwweeeee! Picture me chasing the cat attempting to wipe off a load of snot dripping from his fur. Again I say eeeuuuwee!!!!
As if that was not enough..my daughter, yes my beautiful little girl had a poopie tonight. Again..I can honestly say that I have never in all my years seen a turd of that size. This thing was gigantic. I stood there in complete and utter disbelief that that thing came out of my daughter. It plugged up the toilet upstairs for cripes sakes......now that was a turd.
I realize that none of you may have wanted to here about tonight's events, however they both were so monumental on the gross-o-meter I had to share. For those of you with a weaker constitution, my apologies for any discomfort or nausea reading this blog may have caused.
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7 comments:
See, this is why I have pets. ;)
See, this is why I have pets. ;)
Wow. That was weird.
So . . . why do you have pets, Jer?
My younger sister once left a massive turd in the bathtub (while bathing with my older, but still quite young, sister). It was like the Baby Ruth in the pool in Caddyshack, except it was the real thing in a much more enclosed space.
I was alerted to this by my older sister Taylor calling from the bathroom, "Ewww, Chris went poopie in the tub", while Chris is sitting there watching her latest prize circumnavigate her with a big grin (not quite shit "eating", more like shit leaving) on her face.
Perhaps I can look forward to this from my own child someday. ;-)
Actually, I didn't mention that the week before Kayla laid a loaf in the tub as well, luckily Libby pulled Gunnar from the clutches of that turd before he could be injured.
The best laugh I've had in a long time. Thanks!!!!!
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