As a frequent business traveler I have the distinct pleasure of experiencing the joy of shoving shards of broken glass into my eye, oh wait I meant spending time in crowded airports, crowded airplanes, rental cars, and shitty hotels.
As airline service that was already crappy at best reduce service and flights while jacking the prices up on just about everyhting they can the traveler gets fucked right up the anal canal. Ya know those trucks you sometimes pass on the highway stuffed with cattle or pigs? Yeah...air travel.
Now after busting your ass to get to the airport 6 hours prior to your flight, getting through the strip search know as security (never fails that you get stuck behind some blue hair that has never flown and has to walk through the fucking metal detector 7 times cuz they can't seem to empty out their pockets the first 6 times through)you get to your gate and usually find out that the damn flight is fuckin delayed. Yeah, I had to make sure that I was early getting the airport just so I could wait for your stupid flight delay.
Heaven help you if you have a carry-on and your seated in row 1,439 cuz by the time you board the son of a bitch every overhead bin is full cuz the people that got on prior to you stuffed everyone of their fuckin bags in the bin while leaving the spot under their seat in front of them clear. I love it when chicks put their stupid purses up there...when that happens I cram my bag on top of the purse making sure to break every damn thing that bitch has in that purse.
The fucking seats are crammed together leaving no room for anything and for some reason I usually get stuck sitting next to some fucker with shoulders wider than mine. Or...you get stuck next to the guy that needs the belt extender. No disrespect to those folks, however they never get seated next to a skinny prick it's always right next to me. Keep in mind that I know that guy is probably saying the same thing about me...FUCK HIM this is my blog.
So...finally you lube up to get into your fucking seat, the plane backs up from the gate and you hear the pilot come on the intercom. "Well ladies and gentleman...", you hear those words and yer fucked plain and simple. What it means is that any hope that you had in making your connection (cuz direct flights are a thing of the past) has been stomped on, lit on fire, pissed on, and then lit on fire again.
Such is life I guess. Airlines.....I fart in your general direction, I could make better time on the back of a swallow (African to be exact).
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3 comments:
Thank you. I needed a laugh. I am sorry you have to travel so much as that must suck but I did enjoy your story.
Yeah, I feel for you Mike. Air Travel used to be something that resembled fun (although if I did it as much as you, I am sure I would never think so). But now, not so much. If it makes you feel any better (and I am sure that it won't), the airlines are F*cked too. This is why they are passing the f*cking downhill. Doh!
LOL I read the post to The Hubby (who also travels to the point of ridiculousness), & he just nodded & smiled & laughed. In fact, he just got back from NYC, which was a "complete fuckshow", to quote him.
There are some definite advantages to being a Desk Jockey sometimes. Not often, but occasionally.
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