A story with no name...continued again...

As I rounded the corner out of the alley, I could see the flames from the cab..there was nothing left of that cab larger than a postage stamp. As I stood there thinking about the chick that was now a series of charcoal briquette's strewn across 3rd and 7th, I was really glad that she had paid my in advance. I turned to walk back to the Olds when the lights went out.....shit.

A story with no name...continued...

She was heading out for the night. She looked my way as she flagged down a cab. The Late Spot was where she was headed. As the cab pulled away, I fired up the Oldsmobile and listened to those eight cylinders roar! Taking another pull of my bottle I dropped the clutch and stomped on the gas. In no time I was up with the cab. I followed it for a few blocks...that's when the bullets started flying. I hit the brakes and turned the Olds down the alleyway hoping these assholes would follow, they took the bait. I reached under the seat, grabbed my gun, and unleashed hell. The front window of the car following me shattered and swerved into a dumpster. I slammed on the brakes again and slid to a stop, in a heart beat I was out of the car making swiss cheese out of the bastards that decided to mess with the wrong guy. Nice try fellas, now it's all over but the bleeding.

As I stood there waiting for my heart to slow down, I heard the explosion 2 blocks away....shit.

Danger Mouse..a true hero!

One of the cheesiest and best example of British anime. This series was the epitome of spoofing the secret agent genre, only they did it in the form of an animated cartoon. Danger Mouse was more of a fool than hero. The truly best part of the series was that of his faithful side kick Penfold. This was one of many programs that I grew up with watching Nickelodeon..it was the best!

The Minnesota State Fair

Oh my GOD!!!!! I hope I used those exclamation points correctly. After a staggering 10 hours at the Great Minnesota Get Together, my digestive tract finally hollered "uncle". I think I may have gained approximately 15 pounds today. Up until this point in time, I was down almost 10 since getting back on the exercise horse after joining the local Lifetime Fitness. My day consisted of...well...eating. On the menu you ask? A turkey sandwich, cheese curds, a scotch egg, fried walleye on a stick, fried catfish on a stick, deep fried spam curds (don't ask), another order of cheese curds, a cup of Sweet Martha's cookies, another order of deep fried spam curds (don't ask), and an ear of roasted corn. Believe it or not towards the end of the day I was contemplating another turkey sandwich, I just couldn't bring myself to go up to the lady and order it. Mixed in there were miscellaneous sodas, bottled waters, oh and an ICEE. I traded a few comments with Dan Barreiro (KFAN 4-7 pm) about the Vikings performance last night against the Dallas Cowboys, and managed to get on the 5 pm edition of the local FOX news program. All in all a pretty eventful day and a good one altogether, that is until I developed a case of colon blow while loading the kids in the truck to get home. Ya know that feeling where you're nowhere near a bathroom and your colon starts kicking your ass for everything you've thrown at it that day. Needless to say the drive home was focused on not spackling my pants and luckily was very successful.

Jake Brown falls 40+ feet- worst slam ever

Jake Brown may very well be the luckiest bastard on the planet. Watching this video the first time I nearly pissed myself laughing. You may think that is pretty shitty on my part, however when have you ever seen someone hit a surface with such force that it literally blows their shoes off their feet.

Public Bathroom Etiquette..or lack there of...

There are a few things I have noticed in public bathrooms that drive me nuts. What is on the top of the list?

1. People taking a dump in the stall next to you while they are talking on their cell phone.

2. People standing at the urinal while talking on the cell phone.

3. Standing at the urinal minding your own business and the guy next to you strikes up a conversation.

4. Standing at the urinal looking down and noticing yer stanbdin in a puddle of piss because the jack ass that was there before you had shitty aim.

5. Sitting in the stall while some shithead tries over and over to open the stall door, even though you have made every noise possible to let this asshole know your in there.

6. Stepping into a stall and finding that the dipshit before you either forgot to flush or didn't flush on purpose.

7. Upon closer inspection finding that there is no toilet paper in said toilet. Did the last guy wipe and if so with what?

8. Fucking gang symbols carved into the stall walls.

9. That stupid ryhme "Here I sit broken hearted, tried to shit and only farted."

10. And finally..seeing that someone has wiped shit on the walls.

The Force is with me.

Alright...last quiz I swear. Consider me a geek.

Is the Force with you? Your Result: True Master Status Woe be unto the stormtrooper who pisses thy off. You can take on a padawan if you so choose. You are free to choose your own missions, and disagree with the council. Go hand some baddies their @sses, oh, and may the force be with you ;)
Padawan
Council Member
Young Master
Academy Trainee
Bounty hunter
Undercover sith lord
Imperial Army
Is the Force with you?

A quiz...a quiz...a quiz. Scary but true in my case.

This is so true....That is until I met my wife....who is much more normal than I.

What type of person do you attract? Your Result: You attract unstable people! Congrats, you are an 'insane' magnet, and you probably have no idea why. Something about your mix of styles, how you walk not just 'one' lifestyle, but appear to have a foot in them all. To the insane, you appear to be a beacon of hope and they will flock to you, like it or not. But, they ARE insane. Lucky for you, the insane tend to be the best sexual lovers, just the rest of the package deal may not be for you.
You attract geeks!
You attract artsy people!
You attract Yuppies!
You attract rednecks!
You attract models!
What type of person do you attract? Quizzes for MySpace

Thank the maker that I met my wife. Love ya hun.

A story with no name....

It was a rainy night in the city. The kind of rain that soaks you to the bone. The sky sparkled with flashes of lightning follwed by the cracks of thunder as the atmosphere crashed together after being split by the electricity in the air. I was parked in a back alley half way through a bottle of Jack and half in the bag. It was a stake out..yeah..that's right I was keeping an eye on my meal ticket, the goddess that paid me in advance.

She had busted into my hole of an office crying hysterically. She was being followed and feared for her life. She needed help, my help. They call me Hammer...I'm a PI for hire.

To be continued.....

I have fallen into the depths for which there is no return.

Yes folks. I have recently discovered that all those scientists types were wrong. The world is indeed flat and I have reached the horizon. It's rather an interesting place where all things logical that follow the laws of science simpy don't. It is a place that I will inhabit for the duration of this existence until which my time elapses and I join oblivion. Come friends, let us away.

A bit of a rant....

A buddy of mine posted a blog about being the old guy at a metal concert. His description of the fans there watching what I would consider a decent band touched a nerve in me. What is with the youth of today? Now..stop right there in your tracks. I don't need any commentary from any of you youngsters tellin me I'm to old. I am to old...to old to deal with all of your bullshit. I never thought I would be saying this...I weep for the future. Kids these days have this delusion that they are all rock stars, that they are entitled to everything with little or no effort. Another thing they all seem to little or no grasp of is something called respect...for themselves or anyone else for that matter. Now, I was an asshole when I was a kid. I tried to be a rebel with the long hair, torn up jeans, Motley Crue t-shirts, and loud music blasting out of the car speakers. One difference is I always had respect for people..something kids these days have no comprehension of...damn little whipper snappers. Now I have to eat my applesauce and take a nap.

Father's day

Haven't had much to blog about lately. Life has been on cruise control for a while now. Work, sleep (a little), eat, work again. The kids are growing each day. My daughter is becoming this little individual with her own personality, much to fast for her father. My son is climbing all over hell, falling down, climbing again, falling down. The kid has got enough bumps and bruises that each time we take the kids to gramma's house my mom looks at me and says "don't you watch this kid?" My response to her today was, "he's a boy mom and that's what boys do". What was funny was that my dad said the same thing at the same time I did. He knows. It's the small things that really drive home the things we take for granted. Father's know their sons. My dad knows me, and I know Gunnar. It is very cool being a dad to my son. My dad has always been my hero and the best dad around. Growing up my friends would tell me I had the coolest dad, and they were right. Thinking back about all the things he has done for me. He taught me how to fish, He has tried to teach me how to cook and I do say tried (I can and have screwed up a bowl of corn flakes), He bought me my first car, worked on it for a month to restore it, then taught me how to take care of it. Even though I am not a gear head like he is, everything I know about cars I learned from him. He helped me move to college and back again for 4 years, he helped me move to Chicago and back, He helped me out when I bought my first car, He helped me out when I bought my first house, he has helped me out in my current house more times than I can count. He even cut my yard while Libby, I, and the kids were away on vacation. There are millions more examples big and small where my dad has come through for me..to many to list here. The most important thing he has taught me is how to be a man, and I am very grateful this day and every day for what he has done for me. He has set the bar for what a dad should be. I hope I can be that kind of a dad for my kids. Thanks Dad.

In Memory.....

A quick blog to pay my respects to those that have made the ultimate sacrifice in defending freedom. And to those who currently serve or have served this country, my humble thanks and appreciation.

Have a safe and happy holiday weekend.

A new planet discovered

Scientists have discovered a new planet about the size of Neptune. The surface is covered with what they are describing as solid water. The atmosphere is made up of hydrogen, and the temperature of that atmosphere is incredibly hot, so hot that the water should be vaporized. The pressure of the atmosphere is so great that it actually is keeping the water from vaporizing and pressing it into a solid state, much like ice. Kind of hard to wrap your head around huh?

You heard it here folks....right here...class dismissed.

Hello from Ardmore Oklahoma!!!!!

Here I sit at the Holiday Inn located in sunny Ardmore, Oklahoma. It's an older hotel, where you enter the rooms from the outside. Ardmore is a small town relatively speaking. The people are very hospitable, and the sweet tea is flowing. My mom was born in the south, Nashville to be exact. Growing up we took many trips down south to spend time with my mom's side of the family. That family consisted of her mother, or my Granny and her 4 brothers. My uncles are a strange lot...typical rednecks I guess you could say. Some of the things I had heard them say can't be mentioned here as they would most definitely offend someone. Let's just say they are rednecks...true rednecks with every sense of the word. Good people...just rednecks. Did I mention that they were rednecks?

Anyway...what I really wanted to talk about was something that you just can't get anywhere else but the south...nectar of the gods....SWEET TEA. Sweet tea is available anywhere you go. McDonald's, Burger King, KFC, Wendy's...anywhere that they serve refreshments...there is sweet tea. If you sit down to order something at a restaurant the first thing you hear isn't, "Can I get you something to drink?" it's "Can I get y'all some sweet tea?" Amazing....I live for the day that I hear that in Minnesota. Now..the source of this obsession with sweet tea is the fault of my granny. She used to make tea, sweet tea in a big jar that she would let sit in the sun after filling it 1/3 full with sugar. I learned to drink tea that way....it reminds me of the trips we took down to Nashville, what a great town.

Good people of the south. There is a marked difference down here from up north. People move at a slower pace down here...not that they're stupid or slow...they just don't get all whipped up about stuff. They help each other out, all the ladies call ya darlin, it's just very down home where they know you by name and treat you like family.

A buddy of mine will soon call the south his home along with his lovely rocket scientist wife. I think they will like it...once you get past the scorching heat, armadillos that will attack, rattlers, and fire ants. Good luck to you my friend...I'll look ya'll up when I down next time, until then ya'll take care now ya hear?

I missed it...dammit

All the people that really matter to me in the world (besides my family) got together last night to meet the newest edition to our family of friends...and I missed it. Luckily I was able to read a brief run down of the nights events written by one of the horseman whom I call my brother. It sounds like the air was thick, the brew was flowing, and everyone had a good time...and I missed it. For those of you that have children, it is difficult to get time to do the adult things that my wife and I used to do quite often. Friday and Saturday nights were filled with dinner, movies, liquor, and even that 3 letter word. Now...many, many lifetimes later, we have been destroyed, beaten down, only the corpses of rebels, ashes of dreams and blood stained streets...oh..sorry...I digress. Anyway...it seems that this new edition to our family of friends has earned the name Indy. Sounds like a decent enough name and suits her well due to her origin (at least as much as I know about it). I for one am glad my friend has found someone that he enjoys spending time with. I look forward to meeting her sometime in the near future.

For my friends that I missed last night..I apologize and hope the night was a good one.

Take care....and Muppy Mup.

The Farmers Market

Last weekend we took the family to the Farmer's Market. A cluster of people that get together to sell baked goods, brats, flowers, fresh fruit, etc. I find it a good place to people watch while enjoying all the food it has to offer (at quite exorbitant prices). Being in the city you get the folks that throw a hat on the street and play their instruments, anything from guitars, to accordions, to harmonicas, there was even a guy playing a wood saw if you can believe that. These folks have amazing talent for playing on the street. It is a pretty cool atmosphere and the people are nice enough. All in all a good time and neat place to take the kids. I would recommend it.

Wait!!!!!

Never mind...I almost thought about something..then it was gone, leaving nothing once again. False alarm. Really there has not been much going on to write about. I get up, go to work, come home, put the kids to bed, go to bed, sometimes I sleep, get up and do it all over again. Wow..what a dreary existence. This may be my last entry as this blog may come to a close.

Nothing..nothing...nothing

I have nothing to say..for I think about nothing..am capable of nothing..therefore my existence is nothing. Makes things easy if your really think about it..of course I don't think about anything so I really don't have anything to think about thereby negating my last thought of which I didn't have in the first place.

My kids are smarter than I

A few weeks back I had arrived home from work to find chaos had again taken over the house. the minute I cracked the seal on the kitchen door I was greeted by the whaling of my son because my wife could not get the food to him fast enough (this kid can eat). My daughter was running all over like a kid possessed (no really, I think she is). My wife was doing her best to hold the fort during that last hour before I usually get home where the chaos ensues. I went upstairs changed clothes and came back down to relative quiet. While dinner was cooking, my wife and I shared the events of our day and like everyday my son was interjecting his usual bits of attitude because we weren't looking directly at him. As our conversation struggled to continue, his grunts and hollers continued to increase in volume. The day had been a long one and my fuse was very short and I finally lost it, looked at Gunnar and said "SILENCE"...to which my daughter ran over and said, "Daddy, he is ONLY a baby ya know". Suddenly, I felt a bit silly that I had just been schooled by my daughter with a lesson in humility and patience. When did she become smarter than I?