That damn cat!!!!

I am posting this video due to the fact that my cat recently had a case of shithead and completely destroyed an entire roll of tp for my bungholio..as well as certain parts of the wall.

Happy Halloween

Man it was cold tonight. A brisk north wind was blowing as my daughter and I braved the elements to go out and collect the annual candy stash. She had a great time running from house to house, but I have to admit I think I was having more fun watching her trick or treat. We were walking around the neighborhood with my sister, brother-in-law, and my niece. To be a kid again without really a care in the world at that age. After about 20 houses she stops, looks up at me, and says, "Daddy, I think I'm done". Just like that...she was done trick or treating and wanted to get home to check out her goods. We walked back the house and spent the rest of the night as the official candy hander outer at our house. Believe it or not I think she may actually have had a better time handing the candy out with my wife. She greeted every kid as the door opened and told each of them she liked their costume..she even threw in a few trick or treats before the kids at the door could get the words out. A good night was had by all. Happy Halloween everyone, no I must retire to bed and work through this tummy ache..to many snikerdoodles. Oh..reason for the Tigger picture is that was my daughters costume.

Vinnie quits???!!!!

Batman and robin, Butch and Sundance, Chocolate and Peanut Butter, Yin and Yang, all these things exist in harmony together. Because of this balance the space/time continuum remains stable. Any hint of an imbalance and you get a paradox. Well people, prepare for the worst. The space/time continuum took a blow recently that may just cause that paradox bringing all that we know to an end. The Team of Pauly and Vinnie has been dissolved...unbelievable. With the completion of the first e85 chopper ever constructed, Vinnie decided to leave OCC and strike out on his own. I could not believe me eyes watching the season finale from my Fresno Holiday Inn hotel room. Vinnie actually called it quits and left Orange County Choppers. I have to admit I did get a bit misty watching the Vin man pack up his tools and leave. I think Mikey may have taken the news the hardest as he was without words as Vin was leaving. It is the end of an era.

A day off, however not a day of rest....

I was at work yesterday running through emails, answering phone calls, putting out fires, etc. Actually, I should stop and thank the travel gods about actually being in town for once. During the typical chaos of the day, I had a brief moment where I realized that my calendar was completely clean for today. The thought poppped, could I actually have a day where there are no meetings scheduled? I was looking at something that rarely happens. I blocked the time before anyone could jam something on it. I was home free...free to do anything I wanted...free...free...free. Well..reality hit this morning when my daughter woke up my wife and I bright and early...so no sleeping in was possible. I forced myself out of bed and took a shower at the same time I usually take a shower..man I was on a day off right? I came downstairs to the same chaos that I usually do...my wife battling our kids to eat their breakfast. I sat down to my cup of coffee when my wife said, "let's go, we have to get to the doctor for the kids check up". My day off was starting to look bleak. Then all the things that I have had no time to do started creeping into my head, and soon I had a list of 8 or 9 things to do. Was I sure that this was a day off, I am not at work right? Oh well such is life....

Vikings...consider them a hurtin unit!!

We are in deep trouble. Tavaris has moments of promise only to sink into delirium during the very next week or even the next play. The kid has an rocket for an arm, yet the precision of my son throwing his stuffed toy football. Actually, I may be biased however I think my son has actually thrown a more accurate ball to me during our early football training sessions here in the house. The coaching staff of the Vikings has no idea how to call a play or properly utilize a star running back who blew the doors off the Bears defense two weeks ago. What is this 50/50 usage of Adrian and Chester? Childress comes here with much hope and promise only to completely flounder as the leader of this team. My hope for a bright future anytime before my children graduate is slowly going into the toilet. Go Vikes...yay.

Vikings 34...Bears 31. We won???

What a game today. Tavaris was back and played alright. Still much room for improvement when it comes to pressure situations. Adrian Peterson in my new hero. This kid has got talent and speed to spare. Today he was the reason we got out of Chicago with a win. Well that and Longwell booting a career long 54 yard field goal to clinch it with but seconds on the clock.

Good game...GO VIKES!!!!

Thoughts on what some people have called my birthday...

Yes..it is that day of days, the day of my birth, the day I saw light for the first time, the day I took my first breath, the day I was introduced into the world. A day that will live in infamy. Who am I kidding, it's October 11th and that's it. Another day just like any other day, although I have to say I don't really feel any different. To tell you the truth I don't feel any different than I did when I was 28 ten years ago. I may be balder..oh and a little wider around the mid-section, but I must say I don't feel like I am 38. People say that you get wiser as you age, I don't feel any wiser...and my wife would attest to the fact that I am not any wiser. Hell my kids have already become smarter than I am. I guess all I can do is to keep moving forward..maybe someday I'll feel older and wiser. Until that day comes I will continue to play with my toys, eat, poop, and sleep. Man..life is simple, it's either cherry red..or midnight blue.

Happy Birthday!

11 October 1969
Your date of conception was on or about 18 January 1969 which was a Saturday.

You were born on a Saturday
under the astrological sign Libra.
Your Life path number is 1.

Your fortune cookie reads:
Your skill will accomplish what the force of many cannot.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 3 & 9.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path number 8.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 6, 11 & 22.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2440505.5.
The golden number for 1969 is 13.
The epact number for 1969 is 11.
The year 1969 was not a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/17/1969 and ending 2/5/1970.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Rooster.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Raven; your plant is Ivy.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Choiach, the fourth month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 30 Tishri 5730.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 1 Heshvan 5730.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.17.16.3.1 which is
12 baktun 17 katun 16 tun 3 uinal 1 kin

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Saturday, 29 Rajab 1389 (1389-7-29).

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 6 April 1969.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 13 April 1969.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 19 February 1969.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 25 May 1969.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 1 June 1969.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 13 September 1969.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 3 April 1969.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 18 February 1969.

As of 10/11/2007 11:27:14 PM EDT
You are 38 years old.
You are 456 months old.
You are 1,983 weeks old.
You are 13,879 days old.
You are 333,119 hours old.
You are 19,987,167 minutes old.
You are 1,199,230,034 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:
Michelle Wie (1989) Michelle Trachtenberg (1985) Artie Lange (1967)
Luke Perry (1966) Joan Cusack (1962) Steve Young (1961)
Dawn French (1957) Elmore Leonard (1925) Art Blakey (1919)
Jerome Robbins (1918) Eleanor Roosevelt (1884) Henry John Heinz (1844)

Top songs of 1969
Aquarius/Let the Sun Shine In by Fifth Dimension
In the Year 2525 by Zager & Evans
Get Back by Beatles (with Billy Preston)
Sugar, Sugar by Archies
Honky Tonk Women by Rolling Stones
Everyday People by Sly & the Family Stone
Dizzy by Tommy Roe
Wedding Bell Blues by Fifth Dimension
I Can't Get Next to You by Temptations
Crimson & Clover by Tommy James & the Shondells

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 5.4320939334638 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)

Your lucky day is Friday.
Your lucky number is 6.
Your ruling planet(s) is Venus.
Your lucky dates are 6th, 15th, 24th.
Your opposition sign is Aries.
Your opposition number(s) is 9.

Today is not one of your lucky days!

There are 366 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 39 candles.

Those 39 candles produce 39 BTUs,
or 9,828 calories of heat (that's only 9.8280 food Calories!) .
You can boil 4.46 US ounces of water with that many candles.


In 1969 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.
In 1969 the US population was approximately 179,323,175 people, 50.6 persons per square mile.
In 1969 in the US there were approximately 1,800,000 marriages (9.3%) and 479,000 divorces (2.5%)
In 1969 in the US there were approximately 1,712,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.

In 1969 the population of Australia was approximately 12,407,217.
In 1969 there were approximately 250,175 births in Australia.
In 1969 in Australia there were approximately 112,470 marriages and 10,930 divorces.
In 1969 in Australia there were approximately 106,496 deaths.


Your birthstone is Tourmaline

The Mystical properties of Tourmaline

Pink Tourmaline promotes female balance and protection. Green Toumaline promotes male balance.
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Opal, Jasper

Your birth tree is

Rowan, the Sensitivity
Full of charm, cheerful, gifted, without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good


I know, I know...more than anyone wanted to know about my birthday. My apologies dammit...after all it is MY BLOG and you are a guest here fro cryin out loud!!!

Working out again..been a while

I have over the last few months began lifting again with very positive results, although I have noticed that with age comes a slower recovery time as well as a bit more creaks and cracks as the heavy weights go up. I have reached a 280 lb. bench, a feat I had not accomplished since college all those years ago. A personal goal of mine since 2 years ago I went through some major shoulder surgery on the right arm that took 3 months of physical therapy and another 8 months of recovery time.

What I do find to be kinda funny is seeing all the youngsters in the weight room. I find it funny because I used to be just like them. Attempting to lift weights that they know are WAY TO HEAVY for them. You see them loading the plates on the bar, laying down on the bench, grabbing the bar, breathing heavy with the first lift, only to see the bar crash down on their chest. Just yesterday I thought this kid's head was gonna blow off as the bar hit him square in the chest. If I hadn't of pulled the bar up it (his head) very well might have come off. I cracked a smile when he said, "thanks for the spot man..I had it". "No, you didn't" I said, as I warned him about breakin his shit trying to lift to heavy. Other's are walking by every mirror they can checking themselves out of the corner of their eye..flexing to make sure that everyone sees just how freakin ripped they are. Turning sideways between machines cause they are just to wide to walk straight through. Show Boaters, Grand Standers, Wannabe Superstars, ridiculous, and I was just like them. When I think about it, it's quite a humbling experience really. Was I really that much of a punk ass idiot? Yes...yes I was.

Meat..meat..the magical food....farewell

A friend of mine has been chronicling his journey of a life without meat. Although he did not start said journey because of health reason's, the affects have been beneficial to his health. The result is weight loss. There is nothing I like better than sinking my teeth into a think steak doused in 'chup. Now it can't be just any 'chup, there are unwritten laws that must be followed regarding the use of 'chup as there is no room for bootleg 'chup. And those that use bootleg 'chup should be completely destroyed with extreme prejudice. My thoughts and opinions regarding the useless and quite ridiculous discussion of the difference in 'chup and bootleg 'chup will have to fill the halls of another blog post. Anyway...through my friends example I have also decided to begin a journey of a life without meat to see what that life will bring. Consider this.....October 8th 2007, a day that will live in infamy...or just call it Day 1 of operation Absence of Meat.

Wish me luck..I am already craving a hamburger and I just finished typing this damn blog entry.

Damn quizzes...

Why the hell can't the programmers of these fucking quizzes get the graphics to line up right. These damn things just end up screwing your Blog up and making it look freakin retarded. AAAAGH!!!!

For you Scif-Fi lovers..a quiz of Serenity

The quizzes are abound yet again....looks as though I am...

Your results:
You are Malcolm Reynolds (Captain)

Malcolm Reynolds (Captain) 75% Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) 70% Wash (Ship Pilot) 70% Jayne Cobb (Mercenary) 65% Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic) 50% Derrial Book (Shepherd) 45% Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic) 40% Alliance 35% Inara Serra (Companion) 30% A Reaver (Cannibal) 25% River (Stowaway) 20%

Honest and a defender of the innocent. You sometimes make mistakes in judgment but you are generally good and would protect your crew from harm.

Click here to take the Serenity Personality Quiz

Signs that you could be a Minnesotan...

A buddy of mine not from this great state of mine sent this to me. Surprisingly accurate although not totally. It is quite scary what other's perceptions of us are. Stupid foreigners!!!!!

You measure distance in minutes.
Down south to you means Iowa.
Snow tires came standard on your car.
75% of your graduating class went to the University of Minnesota.
People from other states love to hear you say words with O's in them.
You hate Fargo but realize that a lot of your family has that accent.
You assume when you say "Twin Cities" people know to where you're referring.
You know what uff-da means and how to use it properly.
You own an ice house, snowmobile, and a 4-wheel drive vehicle.
You know that when it comes to AM, there is only WCCO; besides, what else do you need?
Everyone you know has a cabin.
You consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping the food will swim by.
You are proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation.
You have refused to buy something because it's too "spendy."
You're a card-carrying member of both the NRA and the ACLU.
Your local Dairy Queen is closed from December through February.
You have no concept of public transportation.
You instinctively walk like a penguin for three months out of the year.
Someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there.
You know more than one person that has hit a deer.
Your dad's sun tan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead.
You have apologized to a telemarketer.
You may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Lutefisk.
You know what Mille Lacs is and how to spell it.
Nothing gets you madder than seeing a Green Bay sticker on a Minnesota car.
You have worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
You have either a pet or a child named "Kirby."
Your town has an equal number of bars and churches.
You have had an entire telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.
The only reason you go to Wisconsin is to get fireworks, to fish, or to buy beer on Sunday.
You know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, and Shakopee.
You grew up thinking rice was only for dessert.
You think that ketchup is a little too spicy.
You drink POP, not SODA.
You always believed that vacation meant "going up north."
Every January, from age 2 to l3, you let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post.
You consider Lime Jell-O a highly versatile food: a breakfast dish when filled with fruit, a salad when it has shredded carrots and a dab of mayonnaise, and a dessert when topped with Dreamwhip.
You never had to rewind any part of "Fargo" because you missed some of the dialogue.
You call highways freeways.
Your town has an annual festival honoring a fruit, vegetable, or ethnic food.
The first time you saw "Grumpy Old Men," you thought it was a documentary.

My son the monkey

My son has learned his skill. He has the god given talent to scale any object, preferably something that will assist him in gaining any altitude higher than his mere 26 inch frame will allow. Over the weekend it rained here....when I say rained..it poured basically day and night. I emptied the rain gauge each morning and each time it had no less than 3/4 of an inch each time. Long story longer, the plethora of rain caused a situation where the kids were forced to stay inside over the weekend. Because of this..a serious case of stir crazy was upon us mid-way through Saturday afternoon. One of the symptoms that first reared it's ugly head was my son's aptitude for climbing. Anything was game; stairs, chairs, tables, ladders, my leg, my wife's leg, the kitchen cabinets, the railings, you name it and he was climbing it. Now, it would have been tolerable had he only climbed things. Unfortunately, his climbing things ultimately had an ulterior motive. Out of all the things that he enjoys climbing on, his favorite is by far the kitchen table. He begins by pulling one of the chairs out, climbing on top of that, and then onto the top of the table. Late Saturday afternoon, I came downstairs, turned the corner, and who happened to be sitting on the table but my son. The minute I hit the hard wood floor, his head turned and his expression was similar to our friend pictured in the upper left corner of this blog entry. Dad had come down just in time to discover that my son had emptied the contents of the salt shaker onto his head and all over the table. He had been joined in the crime scene by his accomplice, Hobbes the Cat who was doing his best to lick up all the evidence. BUSTED! All I could do was laugh. What was that kid thinkin?

Road Rage...the return

I swear...I swear I have been good. I have tried the path of patience with the driver's here in Minnesota, today was to no avail. The society of dumb shit driver's must have had a meeting in Minneapolis and it's surrounding suburbs. These fucking chuckle heads were everywhere I turned today. First off was captain shit fuck that pulled out in the middle of the intersection on a yellow light to make sure he didn't have to wait. All the while the rest of us are forced to sit in place with the green our way. I pulled my truck up to this assholes door and proceeded to lay on the horn. He looked at me like I had two heads and I was in the wrong, that is until my brethren joined me in pulling up and laying on their horns. A few blocks later I ran into his wife Mrs. Shit fuck. This lady had the blond hair and the superstar glasses on trying her best to be someone she obviously wasn't. You can't hide the fact that you look like a hundred miles of dirt path with dyed blond hair and the bug glasses bitch...oh, and you can't drive worth a shit either. She had decided to pull out into oncoming traffic on a yellow light stopping everyone coming the other way, she did this while chatting on her cell phone. BITCH!!! The last run in with the clan of shit heads was the moron on the on ramp to 77 from 494. People that drive with a bit of common sense know that if traffic is backed up a bit on 494 that they should try and get into the far right lane so as not to jam up traffic up ahead. What I love is seeing these assholes cruise up to the split where you either get on 77 or go left to the Mall of the Universe and cut in. For some reason these fucks think that their shit don't stink and they don't have to wait like the rest of us. This fucker cock was trying to do just that, NOT on my watch. I saw in my rear view what this dick was trying to do so I left a bit of space between me and the car in front of me...baiting this simpleton. He took the bait and sped up to get in. I hammered the gas and blocked this jerk at the last minute sending him almost into the wall. Needless to say he saw much more of the Mall than he had planned on. As I heard his horn, I saluted him the only way I knew how and flipped this prick the bird. The cars behind me had seen my move and congratulated me as they passed further on down the road. Revenge is a dish best served cold...it is very cold in space! Sorry...Trek reference that had no bearing on this story.

Later..

The paranormal...real or load of crap???

Well here we go...a study on the paranormal. According to Wikipedia, their description of the paranormal is as follows, "Paranormal is an umbrella term used to describe a wide variety of reported anomalous phenomena. According to the Journal of Parapsychology, the term paranormal describes "any phenomenon that in one or more respects exceeds the limits of what is deemed physically possible according to current scientific assumptions."[1] For this reason, the scientific community often avoids research on the paranormal, believing that it may not conform to the standards required by the scientific method."

Many people whole heartedly believe that the other side does indeed exist. In my personal experience I have no first hand experience that would prove whether the other side exists or not. I have however been privy to information although not firsthand that could make one at least venture the thought that some things just can't be explained through normal scientific venue.

One of my favorite shows on television is a series named Ghost Hunters on Sci Fi. The thing I respect about these guys is that they go into any investigation with the intent to disprove it, not prove it. Many of the other television shows that also report on the topic of the paranormal seem intent on proving that the paranormal exists. The guys from TAPS (The Atlantic Paranormal Society) go after these occurrences with a fervor to debunk the phenomena. The footage that I have seen has made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. Does it prove anything, hardly, just that some of the things that they have documented either via video, thermo, or EVP (Electronic voice phenomena)are not easily explained.

That is all for this episode people, now I am off to bed to sleep with the light on.

Does the paranormal exist????

This will be part one of a series of my thoughts on the paranormal. Are the things that go bump in the night real? Is there something beyond our lifetime? Yoda said it best when he told Luke, "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter." Do we transgress into something like the force? Are we all a part of something bigger than ourselves that is guided by a higher power? To tell you the truth...I don't know. I don't think anyone has any idea what happens, if anything. Through the power of the Internet we'll explore this phenomena and search for proof.

Alright...I'm back from the precipice

My last blog entry was a bit over the top along the lines of self pity. Well that party has come to a close. What the hell do I really have to bitch about? In a word..nothing, nothing at all. That was actually three words, sorry. I have a good job, great family, and a nice place to raise my kids. As for the liberal pinko / conservative pinko blather..I will leave that to those much more in the know to communicate as they are much more capable than I.

For now, the near, and the distant future, I will continue as a tick farting in a wind storm. As I have come to realize, a wind storm starts with one little tick farting why can't it be my tick fart that starts it. (At this time I would like to extend an apology to all those meteorologists that know damn well that the wind don't start due to a tick fart, it is a complex situation involving temperature, dew point, air pressure, and a great many other things.)

As for the rest of you...a brother of mine gave me some good advice recently. Always look on the bright side of life (insert whistling here). Words to live by.

Tootles.

Such is existence....

Does it take any real skill to exist? In my case the answer would most likely be no. For every day I awake to find that the sun has come up yet again, I have to pee yet again, and another day of work is upon me. Existing isn't hard at all. What is hard is trying to make a difference in the world. Now everyone step back and chill the fuck out for a minute, this isn't some liberal pinko political philosophy lesson. I am not philosophical to begin with so I would never claim to have a philosophy nor the ability to philosophize (may have just invented a word there). By difference I mean the little stuff. Getting my daughter to actually use the potty instead of the diaper. Landing the concept of kicking the ball to Daddy versus picking it up and handing it to me. Those types of things...those are the hard things, even though they are enjoyable at times. I ain't out to change the world like I was when I graduated college. I had dreams of grandeur that I would have an incredible impact on the world, change things for the better. My impact on this world can be compared to a tick farting in a wind storm.

Let the smarts figure out and change the world...they are the ones that believe they can do it, whether they are qualified to do it or not. I'll keep meandering through life and take the days one at a time. One day, maybe if I am lucky, I'll retire and move north, get out of the worlds way and quietly exist until it's time to take the dirt nap.

Agghhh..will the madness ever stop!!

I tried this one interested in the outcome. I have a lot of respect for Steven Spielberg as I am a fan of his work. I think the dude from Who's Line is it Anyway is hilarious, so I don't mind that one either. Elton John...maybe if I wore the same toupee as he did...created a space in my front teeth, oh and wore the stupid glasses. Then again...how bout absolutely NOT!!! Actually...does that mean I can attach the prefix "Sir" to my name? Bloody peasant!!!!

http://www.myheritage.com

A quiz...a quiz...another freakin quiz!!

Your results:
You are Green Lantern

Green Lantern 80% Catwoman 65% Superman 60% Spider-Man 60% Hulk 60% Iron Man 60% The Flash 45% Supergirl 40% Robin 37% Batman 30% Wonder Woman 25%

Hot-headed. You have strong will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test


A buddy of mine who shall remain nameless keeps posting these quizzes on his blog site, thereby causing me to partake in said quiz only to post the results on my blog. According to this quiz....I am a member of the Green Lantern Corps. Actually, I suppose I should be grateful as I was almost Catwoman.

A new season begins...Go Vikes!!

Well, tonight I returned home from this years fantasy draft. I can honestly say that this year's draft went much better than last years. The thing I am concerned about is my team, not my draft team, the Minnesota Vikings. This year could be a painful one for the Vikes. The days of the superstars are gone. No Culpepper, no Moss, no Carter, no anyone really. Adrian Peterson could be a bright star, but he is untried and unproven in the pros. It sounds kinda stupid really, however there is no real face of the Vikings. I was at the final pre-season game against Dallas and it was Matt Birk that lead the team out, I like Matt Birk so don't get me wrong however when was the last time you saw a team led onto the field by an offensive lineman? Most teams, the fans couldn't name one of their offensive line. It is a strange time for the Vikings, they are a team that is brand new for all intents and purposes. I have been a Vikings fan all my life and in being a fan I have always had that familiarity with my team. This year I can't say that. I am a fan of the Vikings, I just don't recognize the team. Oh well, I will watch the games and most likely have my heart broken yet again for another season..in the end that is what makes a fan. The willingness to watch with all the hope in the world only to have it smashed to pieces. After all these years I still bleed purple.

A story with no name...continued again...

As I rounded the corner out of the alley, I could see the flames from the cab..there was nothing left of that cab larger than a postage stamp. As I stood there thinking about the chick that was now a series of charcoal briquette's strewn across 3rd and 7th, I was really glad that she had paid my in advance. I turned to walk back to the Olds when the lights went out.....shit.

A story with no name...continued...

She was heading out for the night. She looked my way as she flagged down a cab. The Late Spot was where she was headed. As the cab pulled away, I fired up the Oldsmobile and listened to those eight cylinders roar! Taking another pull of my bottle I dropped the clutch and stomped on the gas. In no time I was up with the cab. I followed it for a few blocks...that's when the bullets started flying. I hit the brakes and turned the Olds down the alleyway hoping these assholes would follow, they took the bait. I reached under the seat, grabbed my gun, and unleashed hell. The front window of the car following me shattered and swerved into a dumpster. I slammed on the brakes again and slid to a stop, in a heart beat I was out of the car making swiss cheese out of the bastards that decided to mess with the wrong guy. Nice try fellas, now it's all over but the bleeding.

As I stood there waiting for my heart to slow down, I heard the explosion 2 blocks away....shit.

Danger Mouse..a true hero!

One of the cheesiest and best example of British anime. This series was the epitome of spoofing the secret agent genre, only they did it in the form of an animated cartoon. Danger Mouse was more of a fool than hero. The truly best part of the series was that of his faithful side kick Penfold. This was one of many programs that I grew up with watching Nickelodeon..it was the best!

The Minnesota State Fair

Oh my GOD!!!!! I hope I used those exclamation points correctly. After a staggering 10 hours at the Great Minnesota Get Together, my digestive tract finally hollered "uncle". I think I may have gained approximately 15 pounds today. Up until this point in time, I was down almost 10 since getting back on the exercise horse after joining the local Lifetime Fitness. My day consisted of...well...eating. On the menu you ask? A turkey sandwich, cheese curds, a scotch egg, fried walleye on a stick, fried catfish on a stick, deep fried spam curds (don't ask), another order of cheese curds, a cup of Sweet Martha's cookies, another order of deep fried spam curds (don't ask), and an ear of roasted corn. Believe it or not towards the end of the day I was contemplating another turkey sandwich, I just couldn't bring myself to go up to the lady and order it. Mixed in there were miscellaneous sodas, bottled waters, oh and an ICEE. I traded a few comments with Dan Barreiro (KFAN 4-7 pm) about the Vikings performance last night against the Dallas Cowboys, and managed to get on the 5 pm edition of the local FOX news program. All in all a pretty eventful day and a good one altogether, that is until I developed a case of colon blow while loading the kids in the truck to get home. Ya know that feeling where you're nowhere near a bathroom and your colon starts kicking your ass for everything you've thrown at it that day. Needless to say the drive home was focused on not spackling my pants and luckily was very successful.

Jake Brown falls 40+ feet- worst slam ever

Jake Brown may very well be the luckiest bastard on the planet. Watching this video the first time I nearly pissed myself laughing. You may think that is pretty shitty on my part, however when have you ever seen someone hit a surface with such force that it literally blows their shoes off their feet.

Public Bathroom Etiquette..or lack there of...

There are a few things I have noticed in public bathrooms that drive me nuts. What is on the top of the list?

1. People taking a dump in the stall next to you while they are talking on their cell phone.

2. People standing at the urinal while talking on the cell phone.

3. Standing at the urinal minding your own business and the guy next to you strikes up a conversation.

4. Standing at the urinal looking down and noticing yer stanbdin in a puddle of piss because the jack ass that was there before you had shitty aim.

5. Sitting in the stall while some shithead tries over and over to open the stall door, even though you have made every noise possible to let this asshole know your in there.

6. Stepping into a stall and finding that the dipshit before you either forgot to flush or didn't flush on purpose.

7. Upon closer inspection finding that there is no toilet paper in said toilet. Did the last guy wipe and if so with what?

8. Fucking gang symbols carved into the stall walls.

9. That stupid ryhme "Here I sit broken hearted, tried to shit and only farted."

10. And finally..seeing that someone has wiped shit on the walls.

The Force is with me.

Alright...last quiz I swear. Consider me a geek.

Is the Force with you? Your Result: True Master Status Woe be unto the stormtrooper who pisses thy off. You can take on a padawan if you so choose. You are free to choose your own missions, and disagree with the council. Go hand some baddies their @sses, oh, and may the force be with you ;)
Padawan
Council Member
Young Master
Academy Trainee
Bounty hunter
Undercover sith lord
Imperial Army
Is the Force with you?

A quiz...a quiz...a quiz. Scary but true in my case.

This is so true....That is until I met my wife....who is much more normal than I.

What type of person do you attract? Your Result: You attract unstable people! Congrats, you are an 'insane' magnet, and you probably have no idea why. Something about your mix of styles, how you walk not just 'one' lifestyle, but appear to have a foot in them all. To the insane, you appear to be a beacon of hope and they will flock to you, like it or not. But, they ARE insane. Lucky for you, the insane tend to be the best sexual lovers, just the rest of the package deal may not be for you.
You attract geeks!
You attract artsy people!
You attract Yuppies!
You attract rednecks!
You attract models!
What type of person do you attract? Quizzes for MySpace

Thank the maker that I met my wife. Love ya hun.

A story with no name....

It was a rainy night in the city. The kind of rain that soaks you to the bone. The sky sparkled with flashes of lightning follwed by the cracks of thunder as the atmosphere crashed together after being split by the electricity in the air. I was parked in a back alley half way through a bottle of Jack and half in the bag. It was a stake out..yeah..that's right I was keeping an eye on my meal ticket, the goddess that paid me in advance.

She had busted into my hole of an office crying hysterically. She was being followed and feared for her life. She needed help, my help. They call me Hammer...I'm a PI for hire.

To be continued.....

I have fallen into the depths for which there is no return.

Yes folks. I have recently discovered that all those scientists types were wrong. The world is indeed flat and I have reached the horizon. It's rather an interesting place where all things logical that follow the laws of science simpy don't. It is a place that I will inhabit for the duration of this existence until which my time elapses and I join oblivion. Come friends, let us away.

A bit of a rant....

A buddy of mine posted a blog about being the old guy at a metal concert. His description of the fans there watching what I would consider a decent band touched a nerve in me. What is with the youth of today? Now..stop right there in your tracks. I don't need any commentary from any of you youngsters tellin me I'm to old. I am to old...to old to deal with all of your bullshit. I never thought I would be saying this...I weep for the future. Kids these days have this delusion that they are all rock stars, that they are entitled to everything with little or no effort. Another thing they all seem to little or no grasp of is something called respect...for themselves or anyone else for that matter. Now, I was an asshole when I was a kid. I tried to be a rebel with the long hair, torn up jeans, Motley Crue t-shirts, and loud music blasting out of the car speakers. One difference is I always had respect for people..something kids these days have no comprehension of...damn little whipper snappers. Now I have to eat my applesauce and take a nap.

Father's day

Haven't had much to blog about lately. Life has been on cruise control for a while now. Work, sleep (a little), eat, work again. The kids are growing each day. My daughter is becoming this little individual with her own personality, much to fast for her father. My son is climbing all over hell, falling down, climbing again, falling down. The kid has got enough bumps and bruises that each time we take the kids to gramma's house my mom looks at me and says "don't you watch this kid?" My response to her today was, "he's a boy mom and that's what boys do". What was funny was that my dad said the same thing at the same time I did. He knows. It's the small things that really drive home the things we take for granted. Father's know their sons. My dad knows me, and I know Gunnar. It is very cool being a dad to my son. My dad has always been my hero and the best dad around. Growing up my friends would tell me I had the coolest dad, and they were right. Thinking back about all the things he has done for me. He taught me how to fish, He has tried to teach me how to cook and I do say tried (I can and have screwed up a bowl of corn flakes), He bought me my first car, worked on it for a month to restore it, then taught me how to take care of it. Even though I am not a gear head like he is, everything I know about cars I learned from him. He helped me move to college and back again for 4 years, he helped me move to Chicago and back, He helped me out when I bought my first car, He helped me out when I bought my first house, he has helped me out in my current house more times than I can count. He even cut my yard while Libby, I, and the kids were away on vacation. There are millions more examples big and small where my dad has come through for me..to many to list here. The most important thing he has taught me is how to be a man, and I am very grateful this day and every day for what he has done for me. He has set the bar for what a dad should be. I hope I can be that kind of a dad for my kids. Thanks Dad.

In Memory.....

A quick blog to pay my respects to those that have made the ultimate sacrifice in defending freedom. And to those who currently serve or have served this country, my humble thanks and appreciation.

Have a safe and happy holiday weekend.

A new planet discovered

Scientists have discovered a new planet about the size of Neptune. The surface is covered with what they are describing as solid water. The atmosphere is made up of hydrogen, and the temperature of that atmosphere is incredibly hot, so hot that the water should be vaporized. The pressure of the atmosphere is so great that it actually is keeping the water from vaporizing and pressing it into a solid state, much like ice. Kind of hard to wrap your head around huh?

You heard it here folks....right here...class dismissed.

Hello from Ardmore Oklahoma!!!!!

Here I sit at the Holiday Inn located in sunny Ardmore, Oklahoma. It's an older hotel, where you enter the rooms from the outside. Ardmore is a small town relatively speaking. The people are very hospitable, and the sweet tea is flowing. My mom was born in the south, Nashville to be exact. Growing up we took many trips down south to spend time with my mom's side of the family. That family consisted of her mother, or my Granny and her 4 brothers. My uncles are a strange lot...typical rednecks I guess you could say. Some of the things I had heard them say can't be mentioned here as they would most definitely offend someone. Let's just say they are rednecks...true rednecks with every sense of the word. Good people...just rednecks. Did I mention that they were rednecks?

Anyway...what I really wanted to talk about was something that you just can't get anywhere else but the south...nectar of the gods....SWEET TEA. Sweet tea is available anywhere you go. McDonald's, Burger King, KFC, Wendy's...anywhere that they serve refreshments...there is sweet tea. If you sit down to order something at a restaurant the first thing you hear isn't, "Can I get you something to drink?" it's "Can I get y'all some sweet tea?" Amazing....I live for the day that I hear that in Minnesota. Now..the source of this obsession with sweet tea is the fault of my granny. She used to make tea, sweet tea in a big jar that she would let sit in the sun after filling it 1/3 full with sugar. I learned to drink tea that way....it reminds me of the trips we took down to Nashville, what a great town.

Good people of the south. There is a marked difference down here from up north. People move at a slower pace down here...not that they're stupid or slow...they just don't get all whipped up about stuff. They help each other out, all the ladies call ya darlin, it's just very down home where they know you by name and treat you like family.

A buddy of mine will soon call the south his home along with his lovely rocket scientist wife. I think they will like it...once you get past the scorching heat, armadillos that will attack, rattlers, and fire ants. Good luck to you my friend...I'll look ya'll up when I down next time, until then ya'll take care now ya hear?

I missed it...dammit

All the people that really matter to me in the world (besides my family) got together last night to meet the newest edition to our family of friends...and I missed it. Luckily I was able to read a brief run down of the nights events written by one of the horseman whom I call my brother. It sounds like the air was thick, the brew was flowing, and everyone had a good time...and I missed it. For those of you that have children, it is difficult to get time to do the adult things that my wife and I used to do quite often. Friday and Saturday nights were filled with dinner, movies, liquor, and even that 3 letter word. Now...many, many lifetimes later, we have been destroyed, beaten down, only the corpses of rebels, ashes of dreams and blood stained streets...oh..sorry...I digress. Anyway...it seems that this new edition to our family of friends has earned the name Indy. Sounds like a decent enough name and suits her well due to her origin (at least as much as I know about it). I for one am glad my friend has found someone that he enjoys spending time with. I look forward to meeting her sometime in the near future.

For my friends that I missed last night..I apologize and hope the night was a good one.

Take care....and Muppy Mup.

The Farmers Market

Last weekend we took the family to the Farmer's Market. A cluster of people that get together to sell baked goods, brats, flowers, fresh fruit, etc. I find it a good place to people watch while enjoying all the food it has to offer (at quite exorbitant prices). Being in the city you get the folks that throw a hat on the street and play their instruments, anything from guitars, to accordions, to harmonicas, there was even a guy playing a wood saw if you can believe that. These folks have amazing talent for playing on the street. It is a pretty cool atmosphere and the people are nice enough. All in all a good time and neat place to take the kids. I would recommend it.

Wait!!!!!

Never mind...I almost thought about something..then it was gone, leaving nothing once again. False alarm. Really there has not been much going on to write about. I get up, go to work, come home, put the kids to bed, go to bed, sometimes I sleep, get up and do it all over again. Wow..what a dreary existence. This may be my last entry as this blog may come to a close.

Nothing..nothing...nothing

I have nothing to say..for I think about nothing..am capable of nothing..therefore my existence is nothing. Makes things easy if your really think about it..of course I don't think about anything so I really don't have anything to think about thereby negating my last thought of which I didn't have in the first place.

My kids are smarter than I

A few weeks back I had arrived home from work to find chaos had again taken over the house. the minute I cracked the seal on the kitchen door I was greeted by the whaling of my son because my wife could not get the food to him fast enough (this kid can eat). My daughter was running all over like a kid possessed (no really, I think she is). My wife was doing her best to hold the fort during that last hour before I usually get home where the chaos ensues. I went upstairs changed clothes and came back down to relative quiet. While dinner was cooking, my wife and I shared the events of our day and like everyday my son was interjecting his usual bits of attitude because we weren't looking directly at him. As our conversation struggled to continue, his grunts and hollers continued to increase in volume. The day had been a long one and my fuse was very short and I finally lost it, looked at Gunnar and said "SILENCE"...to which my daughter ran over and said, "Daddy, he is ONLY a baby ya know". Suddenly, I felt a bit silly that I had just been schooled by my daughter with a lesson in humility and patience. When did she become smarter than I?

It's 1979 all over again.....

Iran vs. Britain. I was listening to the news this morning while reading the paper. The anchor caught my attention when he began updating the current situation between the Brits and the Iranians. He re-hashed the video testimonies given by the captured marines describing how they were caught in Iranian waters and that the detainees agreed with their captors in that they were in the wrong. The picture on the screen changed to coverage of the protests outside the British Embassy in Iran...all I could think of was how similar that picture looked to the protests that took place outside the American Embassy 28 years ago. We all know where that one ended up. What a world we currently live in.....can we as human beings survive despite ourselves?

Holy bodily functions!!!!

When I arrived home tonight after work, my house was a giant bodily function. My wife mentioned that my son's nose had been running all day. All I can say is she wasn't kidding, I can honestly say that I have never witnessed a snot bubble the size of the one my son blew out of his nose tonight. I swear it was as big as his head...it was like Sputnik, round but quite pointy in parts. It was like an orange on a toothpick...apologies as I sub-reference. As if the snot bubble was not enough, he had a case of the sneezes as well. The only way I can describe it would be to compare it to that scene in the exorcist, only it was snot and that stream flew all the way across the kitchen scaring the shit outta the cat when it hit him. Eeeeeuuuuuwweeeee! Picture me chasing the cat attempting to wipe off a load of snot dripping from his fur. Again I say eeeuuuwee!!!!

As if that was not enough..my daughter, yes my beautiful little girl had a poopie tonight. Again..I can honestly say that I have never in all my years seen a turd of that size. This thing was gigantic. I stood there in complete and utter disbelief that that thing came out of my daughter. It plugged up the toilet upstairs for cripes sakes......now that was a turd.

I realize that none of you may have wanted to here about tonight's events, however they both were so monumental on the gross-o-meter I had to share. For those of you with a weaker constitution, my apologies for any discomfort or nausea reading this blog may have caused.

Bring on the feedback

For those of you who read this blog...feel free to comment. I have enabled that function.

Ahh..Saturday mornings.....

There is nothing like a Saturday morning. Today the kids actually let the wife and I sleep until 8:00 am, that never happens. Breakfast was a battle to get one lousy waffle in my daughter. My son has developed a habit of yelling at the top of his lungs any time a spoon isn't near his mouth ready to shovel something into it...the little pig!!! I was making the attempt to eat some cereal..but was interrupted by my daughter getting angry at her puzzle and zinging it across the living room, my son digging in the plant and throwing the rocks onto the freshly re-done hard wood floor, again with my son pulling up the heat vent and reaching into the chasm, again with my son throwing a shoe cuz he couldn't find his nuk. Ah yes...the sound of Saturday mornings.

My daughter and I created a game that I like to call Gunnar Plinko that consists of my daughter and I sitting at the top of the stairs with two beach balls while my son is at the bottom of the stairs pounding on said stair. While my son sits at the bottom of the stairs my daughter and I unleash hell and roll the beach balls down the stairs. Points are earned for the following; a miss is no points, a glancing blow to the body is worth 1 point, a glancing blow to the head is worth 2 points, a full blast to the face is worth 3 points. This morning my daughter won due to her being ahead in the points when my wife finally discovered what it was we were doing and called the game.

Party pooper.....

And now for something completely different....

Who is the man? I keep hearing about this man that is keeping everyone down. Who is he? Where does he live? Does he like brussel sprouts? Which leg does he put into his pants first? Does he have a family that is also doing their best to keep everyone down? Who is the guy and what gives him the right to keep everybody down?

Poop

Yes...poop. That is the word for the day folks..poop. Thank you and good night.

New Orleans...nuff said

I had the opportunity to visit New Orleans last week. Although my last blog was spent bitching about my attempts to return home from New Orleans, there were parts of the week that landed with me. I would consider it a humbling experience for me. We all have challenges in life and things that don't go our way for one reason or another, after my travels in the city my problems and challenges don't seem as significant.

It has been well over a year and almost half the original population of New Orleans has not returned. Many of the businesses, restaurants for example, don't open until 4 or 5 in the afternoon due to the lack of workforce. Large areas of the city, particularly the 9th ward still do not have power. I found that amazing that this type of thing would happen in the United States...it's more third world to me. While traveling through parts of the 9th ward you see houses still standing abandoned with all the markings on the fronts of them. People crawled through the roofs of those houses to escape the surging waters, people were trapped in the attics of these houses, people died in these houses. The waterlines still show on the houses showing how high the water actually rose. When seeing the coverage on the TV it does not do justice to seeing it first hand. I can't imagine what those people went through, nor would I ever want to experience half of what those folks had to endure.

A fellow co-worker and I were traveling between locations via the free ways, at one point he pointed over to a insignificant looking part of an over pass and mentioned that that was the part of the overpass where those people were gunned down by police that caused all that controversy. Just a normal looking over pass...people died there. All along the embankment you could see the waterlines here as well, everything was under water.

People are still living in the FEMA trailers waiting for the government money to come so they can get started with rebuilding their homes.

What amazed me was the spirit of the people that either stayed, or had returned. Many of the people that work for my company lost loved ones, lost their homes, yet they still have a positive outlook. Many of them told me they would never leave no matter what was thrown their way. This city was there home and they would not leave...plain and simple. Amazing.

Anyway...there is no way I could do justice to what I saw in words...I know I ain't that good of a writer. We don't hear much about the people of New Orleans anymore, they are still there trying to get through each day by putting the pieces back together. Good people.

Business Travel....and it's suckiness

Well, another trip was finally brought to an end with a 26 hour delay. Earlier this week I had traveled to New Orleans for business. I left Wednesday morning with that little feeling in my gut that it was not going to be a good idea...I had heard all the news reports about the weather and what was coming. I went anyway being the company trooper that I am....I paid for it in spades. Long story short...took care of the business that I needed to get to, actually had a chance to tour the 9th ward and was changed by what I saw (that experience will be noted in an upcoming blog when I have more time as it deserves that), and had some dinner at Kpals off of Bourbon Street which if your ever in New Orleans I would highly recommend. All in all the week was a good one, there were a couple things that were sub-par in my opinion. One, my hotel room was marked as non-smoking although it smelled like a stack in there. Two, the location of my hotel was literally at the end of one of the run ways so I was subjected to planes flying directly over the hotel at an altitude of about 150 feet. Three, when the week was finished I left for the airport and that is where things went tits up.

I arrived at the airport after dropping off the rental car. I looked for the American Airlines desk upon walking into the main terminal and to my horror there were many peoples standing in line, now I had arrived early BUT those were some long ass lines. I waited for one of the self service kiosks to open and tried to check in. It spat out my itinerary with a little message that said they were unable to process my reservation and that I would have to see an American Airlines representative to complete my booking. I knew right there that my day was about to take nose dive. I walked to the end of one line and stood there with all the other peoples, approximately 15 minutes of waiting, one of the reps approached and asked a bunch of us if we were on the flight to Chicago. When we all nodded yes, she informed us we were in the wrong line and moved us to a new longer line, and mentioned that the flight has been canceled. (FREAKIN AAAAAAGH)!!!!! That is the last thing I wanted to hear on a Friday when I was trying to get home. I did my time in that line (45 minutes) only to find out that I would be staying another night in New Orleans as the next available flight was Saturday morning at 11:00 am. So..back to the rental car place and the hotel I went for another night in New Orleans. All this time my wife was going completely stir crazy as she was snowed in and she was attempting to potty train my 2.5 year old. Saturday finally came and I was off to the airport again. I arrived and tried to check in again to my flight only to be told that they could not assign seats at that time (yep..I was having that feeling in my gut again). Luckily..I dodged the bullet and made the flight to Dallas where my connection was through.

The flight went fine and I arrived in Dallas only to find out that my connection was delayed by an hour and twenty minutes...oh the humanity. I passed the hour and twenty minutes watching Superman in my laptop so that wasn't bad. Finally the time had come to board the plane and my ticket showed I was in seat 24F in the ass of the plane by the window. I am not the thinnest guy as my shoulders are a bit wide so sitting in the window seat will and does prevent proper breathing. Everyone made it on board and was waiting to leave when the pilot came over the intercom and informed us that the bags from the last flight hadn't been unloaded yet. What the fuck did he mean the bags had not been unloaded yet...the damn plane had been on the ground for 40 minutes and these dumb shits hadn't unloaded the bags yet? What does it take for shit to go the right way as it should...I mean we are paying for a freakin service after all!!!!!! (Someone is testing my patience and I am failing miserably. I have the patience of Anakin Skywalker so I hope my son can save me from the dark side when it happens cuz I can guarantee it will or we will rule the galaxy as father and son, but I digress, let's return to the story). To top it all off the pilot is cracking jokes about the whole ordeal, keep in mind that my wife is going completely out of her mind at home and each of these delays is pushing her a little closer to the cliff. At this point I was ready to get off the plane, go down to the ramp and pull the bags off myself. We all know that if I had chose that course of action I would be blogging from a jail cell in Dallas. So I waited with all the other folks that were having the same thoughts I am sure. We did end up taking off (after a short 40 minutes had elapsed) and I did make it home a mere 26 hours after I was scheduled to be.

Oh the joys of air travel....later peoples...

Jackamania...the untold story..well until now anyway.

For those of you that have been losing sleep pondering this simple question, "What the hell is Jackamania?", your wait is over my friends. Right...like anyone outside of my closest friends (brothers really) read this pathetic attempt at a blog. But just in case, someone else is out there and is losing sleep I know I couldn't live with myself if I let the suspense last any longer. Now brace yourselves please.

During my college career, I joined a Fraternity. Of all the things I did in college joining said fraternity was one of the better decisions that I had made. They were a great bunch of guys from all walks of life. As a Pi Lam...you weren't part of a professional fraternity, and you weren't part of a social fraternity. We had a good balance of both so we considered ourselves professionally social. It was in this fraternity that Jackamania was born.

Growing up, I was a huge fan of wrestling and my favorite wrestler was Hulk Hogan. His battles with the likes of the Iron Sheik, Andre the Giant, Big John Stud, The Macho Man, and the Ultimate Warrior were amazing (yes, I realize that all that shit was fake) I enjoyed it anyhow. Now because Hulk Hogan was one of my idols his creation of Hulkamania was crucial to the creation of Jackamania.

Jackamania started small...as a joke really, it was an idea that snuck into my brain in less than 5 minutes. That is the irony with it really. Here I was this stupid college kid sitting in a fraternity meeting...the minds begins to wander and BOOM, Jackamania was born. It was based on a few fundamental rules better known as the demandments.

1. Drink your brew
2. Dip your chaw
3. Pop the Bear
4. Always f%#! the women (apologies for the last one, keep in mind this was a college thing)

These fundamental rules laid a foundation for something that really took on a life of it's own. First rule is to always drink your brew-ha. Now naturally in college, what else is there to do but drink. If someone offers you a beer, you drink it no questions asked. If you were a Jackamaniac you never refused a beer, especially a free one. Second rule is always dip your chaw. This particular rule has a specific stipulation, the chaw that is referred to must be Kodiak Wintergreen Chewing Tobacco Long Cut. If it wasn't Kodiak...you weren't a Jackamaniac. Only one man was allowed to chew something other than Kodiak...everyone else it was Kodiak or nothing. Third rule is Always pop the Bear. This rule had a specific stipulation as well, for when one popped the bear it must be cleaned out. For anyone that has seen a tin of Kodiak, in the middle of the lid the face of the bear lies and that face must be cleaned out prior to opening the tin. If you open the tin without cleaning the bear the tin might as well be full of dirt. This is extremely important. The fourth rule of Jackamania is always f%#! the women. This one was one of the most fun rules of the movement. If you ever had a chance at spending some time with a fine young lady, you always get it done..again, no excuses. The only problem with the fourth rule is that it never happened as much as you would have liked...whether you had a girlfriend or not. Now that we have established what Jackamania was based on, let's talk about how four simple rules took on a life of their own.

The night I described what Jackamania was to my fellow brother's, word spread like wildfire around campus. It grew within the fraternity and soon people outside the fraternity were talking about it. Any house party I would go to, people would know about Jackamania and what the 4 Demandments were. I do attribute the popularity of Jackamania to the fact that I was a stupid college kid hanging out with other stupid college kids that were out to do stupid things because for the first time we were free from our parents view and control, but hey it was fun so what the hell right? Now during my time in school I had a chance to do some traveling with the fraternity doing something called walk-out. Walk-out simply put was an opportunity for one fraternity to pick up and drive to another college campus and hang out with another chapter of the Pi Lam fraternity. We went on a few of these trips, Michigan State, Ferris State, Terra Haute, UW Stout, and a few others. As we made these trips and visited other chapters, Jackamania spread it had began as a stupid joke and grown into a nationwide phenomenon. Everywhere I went people wanted to know what Jackamania was and more importantly, they wanted to be a Jackamaniac. Now..I did get into the character of Jackamania (mainly while hammered) and play to the crowds, firing them up as we partied. The cities that I visited showed a direct increase in the number of Kodiak sales.

The one day that I knew that there was something special about Jackamania was a day in Daytona Beach Florida. A group of us from the fraternity made the trek to Daytona for spring break one year. The week was going great...we drank, sat in the sun (real good thing to do when hammered), swam in the ocean, swam in the pool, chased the spring break chicks, all that kind of stuff that you do on spring break. One day while walking down the beach, a group of us stopped at Ho-jo's to witness another wet t-shirt contest. As I stood there watching a group of fine young ladies getting doused with buckets of obviously cold water I hear someone screaming "Jackamania, Jackamania, Jackamania" from behind me. I turn around and it is a few of the guys from Michigan State that I had not seen in a year running up to us. After a series of hi-fives, the guys couldn't wait to tell me about the other chapters that they had taken Jackamania to. From what these guys were telling me, Jackamania had spread from coast to coast. Each of these guys were able to tell me exactly what the 4 demandments were and each of them had a beer with them, a tin of Kodiak of which the bear was clean and clear. I was completely floored that something I had told them about a year ago was still alive and well and spreading.

I consider it my fifteen minutes of fame. I had fellow Jackamaniacs all over the country, an army if you will...again based on a stupid idea, from a stupid college kid that took on a life of it's own. I would have thought that it died years ago, however I ran into one of the guys from Ferris State during some recent business travel that recognized me. Think of standing in line at an airport waiting to check your bags only to have someone elbow you in line and ask you if you were a Jackamaniac. You could have knocked me over with a feather. The guys name was Charlie and I had shot some pool with him one night and schooled him in power of Jackamania. He remembered me and what Jackamania stood for.

In it's simplest form...it stood for having fun...and doing a good job of it. It was good to see him and talk about old times. Anyway...it is amazing how small the world is and the different people you meet and your affect on them.

Alright..I have reminisced enough about the good old days. Someday I'll have to teach my son about Jackamania and what it stood for. My wife may want to kill me, however it is a guy thing after all.

Tagged? Tagged? How dare you!!!

For some reason unbeknown-st to me..I have been tagged in a multiple move by a fellow horseman of mine...you bastard!!! Now I have to fall on my sword and confess 5 odd things about me that you may or may not give a rats pa-tootie (word?) about. So..odd things...let's see. Uh....well....ahh....um....

1. Sometimes when listening to music I will play the drums with my teeth. Not actual drums mind you, I will click my teeth together with the beat of the drums. It is actually quite difficult, especially when listening to the early years of Metallica.

2. I crack my toes and my ankles in my sleep. This drives my wife nuts...really, no foolin I have been told that it sounds just like snapping a dry tree branch.

3. I created Jackamania...soon to be published..stay tuned.

4. I once scaled the outside of the Winona State Library and reached the 3rd floor (a result of the aforementioned Jackamania).

5. I have a Bobble head collection consisting of; Dante Culpepper, Randy Moss, Matt Birk, Spider-man, The Terminator, Ozzy Osbourne, and Robin from the Teen Titans (don't know how odd that is...but, best I could do).

Sadly....I have no one else to tag...wait I tag Dave...even though he doesn't read my blog ever..not that he knows it exists for that matter.

Uh.....Work and Leadership?

Last week I spent a few days in the state of Florida...specifically Weston just north of Ft. Lauderdale. I was down there for work with one of the folks on my team. I make these trips in an effort to spend quality face to face time providing them with some guidance and perspective on how to do the job. I find that as I travel with these folks I am becoming more and more obsolete. My job these days is to provide these people with the tools and opportunity to do the job and then get the hell out of the way...all the while trying my best to follow the principles of Level 5 Leadership as they were taught to me by my predecessor. Give the people what they need, empower them to do what they need to do, and they get the hell outta the way. If something tanks look in the mirror and take the ownership, if something goes well look out the window and recognize the people for the success. Wise words from a wise man that I couldn't begin to think about replacing if my life depended on it.

I have read all the quotes about leadership like, "don't take the trail commonly traveled, instead blaze a trail over untraveled land", and "live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever", and "every challenge is an opportunity", and the list goes on and on and on. My approach is simple...in the spirit of Built to Last, "Fish for a man..feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime". Speaking of fishing, I am looking for to teaching my son how to fish, play catch, drink beer, smoke stogies, hit on women, kick people in the shins, etc. HA..caught you sleeping!!!! Anyway...on second thought you probably should disregard this entry in the blog as it has no real purpose or direction as I have been suffering from a wicked case of writer's block.

And now an entry from my son....

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The lady is a Biotch

Part of the reason that I started this blog was to allow myself an outlet. One of the ways I like to utilize this outlet is to bitch and complain about idiotic people that have been allowed to operate a motor vehicle. I am speaking specifically about those freakin dipshits that are oblivious to the fact that other people exist around them. Case in point, one day last week I pulled through a drive through of a well known establishment to grab a quick bite to eat before heading home. This is where my adventure begins. As I had pulled into the parking lot another car had been sitting at the order board. For the intent of this blog entry, the passenger of said vehicle will be referred to as biotch. Now, biotch was sitting at the order board placing her order and the order for her daughter who was sitting in the front seat without any type of child restraint. During the ordering process one looks over the board, chooses their order, and communicates that to the person behind the scene. From what I was observing, it seemed that either this person had never been to Micky D's, or was simply the dumbest human being on the planet. How hard is it to order food at the drive thru? For this biotch, this was going to a monumental task where her mental faculties would be challenged to the hilt. As I sat there behind this moron, I listened to her ask question after question about whether she had to get fries with a burger, did the burger have to come on a bun, why didn't they have Pepsi, etc. If that wasn't bad enough, she had obviously passed on her stupidity to her daughter as she was leaning over her sticking her head out the window shouting things like, we are at McDonald's, my mom has a blue shirt, where are you?, and so forth. I am not a patient man to begin with and I can't stand stupidity, so at this point I was beside myself sitting in my truck behind this idiot. After what seemed like 30 minutes she put her car in reverse and almost backed in to me, luckily she figured out the problem and put the car in drive causing it to jerk forward sending her kid flying into the back seat. I pulled up and placed my order like any normal human being would, then proceeded to pull around to conduct payment of my order. As I pulled around the corner, to my horror, the adventure continued. Biotch had pulled her car up to the payment window a good 4 feet from the opening causing the employee to have to lean out from the waist up to get her money because this moron wasn't about to get out of her car. She was also changing every part of the order she had taken a lifetime to put together at the order board. This part of my adventure took another few years off my life. They finally brought her order to her at the payment window due to the fact that she had not meandered up to the pick up window yet as she was still barking orders at the employees. I had finally had enough....I couldn't take anymore of this shit. I layed on the horn and shouted, "lady there are others people who are trying to get some food here so I would appreciate you moving along and getting the hell outta the way for the rest of us." Well, I can tell you that she didn't appreciate me letting her know she was not the Omega Woman (huge sub-reference) and flipped me the bird. That is when the other people who had witnessed this biotch taking her own sweet time chimed in, and they were a bit more terse than I. This biotch finally slammed on the gas and pulled forward. Free at last, free at last. I payed for and received my food and pulled around the corner of the building only to find that this biotch was sitting in the middle of the drive through exit screwing around with something in her car. Unbelievable!!!! I pulled up and around her got in front of her and stopped. She layed on the horn and shouted for me to move. I turned to her, rolled my window down, and stated "sucks don't it". I waited for a few seconds more to land my point with this idiot and then slowly drove away. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

My mom

A friend of mine posted an entry about his mom retiring. Mrs. B was one of my pseudo parents growing up, to tell you the truth I actually had 3 moms growing up. Mrs. B, Mrs. D, and my mom Mrs. J. My mom has had a pretty tough year. She suffers from rheumatoid arthritis that can leave her completely immobile due to the pain in her joints. Earlier this year she had a bad spell and was for all intents and purposes stuck in the house, only able to make it from the bed into the living room and back. She spent days laying in bed cause that is all she could do. Another hit she took this year was her oldest brother dying. It was sudden and her and my dad dropped everything and headed to Nashville to help with the arrangements and bury her brother. The final hit came two weeks ago when another of her brothers died quite suddenly. Again, her and my dad dropped everything to head down to Nashville to bury another of her family. Now my point is not to depress anyone reading this blog...although I doubt very seriously that I have that large of a fan base, rather to point out the strength my mom possess. She is stronger than I ever will be. Through all this stuff that she has experienced over the last year..she remains dedicated to her family. Thank you mom for all you have done for me. I love you.

A new year.....a fresh start?

I am not one for resolutions. For some reason...they usually have run their course by January 31st. No more of the...I'll be nicer.....lose some weight....take up a hobby...bla..bla...bla. I think it was Popeye who said "I am what I am". Now there was a great man. Simple and to the point. He was what he was...take it or leave it. Over the years I have tried at different times in my life to be all things to everyone, if there is one lesson that I have learned is "I am what I am". Take it or leave it for it is all that I have to offer.

A Christmas to forget

Christmas is a time for family, friends, and giving. So why was ours everything but? I don't know who we wronged but someone was not happy with us. Not only were we trying to deal with the whole water pouring through the ceiling fiasco I commented on in my last blog entry, we were also trying in vain to pull off a X-mas holiday. It just was not going to happen. My wife took the kids up to her parents place the week prior to the holiday weekend so as not to expose them any more to the "dry out" process that was happening around the clock at our house. I was left alone in the house to deal with the contractors, the mess, and the NOISE!!!! For three straight days it sounded like there was a 747 taking off and landing in the kitchen. If you tried to go downstairs to what I like to call my Fortress of Solitude, you were hit with the sounds of a jet engine. Try going upstairs to escape the noise...and boom planes flying in the bedroom too. On each floor of our house we had dehumidifiers the size of refrigerators and no less that 6 industrial size blowers on high speed trying to dry out the carpet, sub floor, walls, hardwood floor, and ceiling tiles that had taken a beating on that fateful night that the toilet wasn't going to take anymore and attacked. Three days of constant noise....personally I would rather have shoved broken shards of glass into my eye than listen to that noise. There was a wind chill in my house for cryin out load from the 20 mph wind gusts. Imagine this chaos while your trying to work from home taking conference calls and such all the while it sounds like you are in the middle of a war zone. Sleeping was fun those nights...NOT!

Eventually the contractors came and pulled their hell machines out of the house....the beauty of silence was something like I had never heard. I sat in the living room and just listened to the sound of nothing and for a brief moment found peace in the quiet of my home. That night I actually slept and I was able to get some work done the next day.

I was missing my family pretty bad as it was nearing the holiday weekend and we had plans to do the family things toward the end of that week. None of those plans would come to pass now since they had traveled to her folks place to escape said Hell House. The hell with the house had passed and we were in good shape..until the brainless weather people started calling for nasty weather the latter half of the week. Of course I didn't want my wife and kids to travel in nasty weather conditions so we delayed their homecoming to see what the weather did. Thursday turned into Friday which gave way to Saturday and the weather didn't do shit as record temps were hit and rain fell from the sky....no freezing, no snow, no wind chill, nothing. I could predict the weather better than these yahoos. My wife and kids started for home Saturday morning..we wasted 2 days waiting for the sky to open up and nothing. Damn weatherman. To top it all off, the time my family spent up at my in-laws was just enough time for all three of them to get sick. My wife informed me of this while in transit on Saturday. Headed my way was a truck full of disease. This was going to be a great weekend.

Have you ever tried to navigate a full blown family holiday with two sick kids under the age of 3 and a sick wife that when she coughs sounds as though she is barfing up a lung? Let me tell you..if ever faced with that situation...punt. I don't care if it's 1st and 10 on the opposing teams 20 yard line....you punt and run away screaming like a little girl. Hell hath no fury like a sleep deprived 2.5 year old with pneumonia. My daughter who normally is a well behaved little angel was spitting pea soup and speaking in tongue. I never thought that I would see the day that a child would get pissed off and throw a shoe for being asked to open one of her presents. Each one we would present her with would cause her to scream in an octave that shattered both glass and the human ear drum. It was the 20 minute hell on earth tantrum that caused my wife and I to throw in the towel and cancel the remainder of Dec 25th and by the way it was only 11 am. I left my sisters place with my truck full of sick people..me the only survivor of the plague. We arrived home went through a few more melt downs and finally put the kids down for naps...of which did them some good..but only a little as my daughter slapped us back to reality with a post nap pea soup and tongue episode.

Christmas night was upon us.....we had planned to be at my cousins place with the rest of the family opening gifts, snacking on hors d'oerves, drinking a few cocktails, and eating x-mas cookies. Instead, my wife and I were calling around trying to find a Chinese restaurant that was open to order some food from as we were starving and didn't have anything in the house except for baby food. I felt like Ralphie's father after the Bumpkiss's dogs ransacked the turkey dinner in TNT's 24 hours of "A Christmas Story" only difference is they found a Chinese place..and we weren't as lucky.

Well...I guess there is always next year....if I make it that long.

Seriously though...the one bright part in this is that I spent time with my wife and kids....sickness, tantrums, coughing, barfing up lungs...at least they were home (insert the token awwwww).

Merry Christmas everyone and Happy New Year! Don't Drink and Drive. Don't do Drugs. Call your Mother once a week. Alright..I'll stop with the PSA's..although I was serious about the drinking and driving thing..oh and the drug stuff too.

Honey..it's raining in the kitchen

That is a phrase that any home owner, or renter for that matter never wants to hear. Huh...Huh...I said Homeowner. Yer right..bad form. Anyway..here is how this thing went down.

The wife and I earlier this week were talking about the fact that we never go out anymore and that life was beginning to become a trudge through the days as we never have time for just her and I. A quick phone call to my folks begging for a night of babysitting and we were all set. A night for just her and I. A little dinner...some conversation about anything but diapers and formula, and a movie. For parents of two under the age of two...what more could we ask for? Turns out it wasn't about what we asked for..it was what were about to be handed, a big old shit burger value meal with extra shit.

The evening began normal enough; I came home from work and the wife had the kids ready to go. I ran up stairs to change clothes and take care of some personal business. I took care of said business and headed back downstairs. In seconds the kids were loaded and we were off for grandma and grandpa's house. Little did we know that the minute we left our happy home, Murphy kicked the events of the evening in motion. Now Murphy and I go way back...we're very well acquainted as he pops in from time to time to kick me in the shins and then run away. This visit was more of a kick in the sack, than a kick in the shins.

The night was great...had some food, saw a good movie, picked up the kids, and came home. The minute I walked through the door my wife uttered that phrase, "Honey, it's raining in the kitchen". To my horror there was at least an inch of water on the kitchen floor leaking from no less that 5 major areas of the ceiling and leaking is being kind, it was more of a downpour. I flew up the stairs to discover that the toilet had overflowed and instead of shutting down as it should have water was flowing over the edge of the bowl. The bathroom floor was covered in another 2 inches of water. It was an absolute disaster. Then the realization hit me..I was the last one on the john and it had plugged with poop. That puts a different spin on this tale as the rain shower that was going on down in the kitchen was now a poopy rain shower. Not to mention that the poopy water had traveled into our bedroom and was soaking the carpet. If I'd had a gun....I would have been sportin' a hole in my head. The rest of the night was spent scrambling for buckets to catch said poopy water, towels, and the wet/dry vac. The water flow eventually stopped sometime around 5 am this morning and we were able to get the kitchen completely disinfected and cleaned up. The carpet in the bedroom is still a bit soggy as well as my discovery this morning that we had not been quick enough in catching the water as it had soaked through to the basement as well.

One of these days...I am gonna kick the ever loving shit outta Murphy that prick. Anyway...that is the story. The next kick to the shins will most certainly be when my insurance guy informs me of the cost to repair my home..I think I'll wear a cup that day.

Who are you..and what have you done with my daughter?

She amazes me a little bit more everyday. My little girl is amazing. Alright...alright I'll stop gushing. Actually it is a bit scary really. I travel quite a bit for work, usually twice a month I am trudging back to MSP International Airport to board another flight for destination somewhere. This week was Denver...next week is Atlanta..the week after that...I forget. Anyway, like I said this week was Denver so Tuesday morning I was off to the airport. On my way out the door I got my hug and kiss from the wife and kids with my daughter saying in somewhat 2 year oldese...by daddy seeyo waiter. Hearing that almost brings a tear to the eye each time I leave and it doesn't get any easier as the years go by. The week was uneventful in Denver...each night I would call home and talk to everyone..the wife would rundown the day as my son could be heard in the background either hollering in delight at something he was doing or crying cuz he was hungry and mommy was not moving fast enough to fill his face with the nearest bottle of formula, then my wife would hand the phone to my daughter who would say, hi daddy followed by silence cuz that is all she had. Thursday rolls around and I am traveling home, I land wait for my luggage, walk to the truck, get in, turn the key, let it warm up, and head for home. I walk through the door and I hear the little foot steps of my daughter running for the door to see who it was. Hello daddy...glad to see you, mommy and I went to the zoo today. I could see her mouth moving and I could hear the words however my mind had not caught up. In my shock I looked at my wife and said, "what the hell did she just say?" at which point I was abruptly hit with the remote control to the head for saying H..E..double hockey sticks in front of the children. She repeated the phrase with extremely clear enunciation. I had only been gone for 3 freaking days and somehow during that time she had graduated from Harvard. Who the hell is this kid and where is my daughter?

To blog...or not to

To blog or not to blog...is that the question? Today blogs all over the net are being created and destroyed, changed and modified. Millions of people pour their hearts out each day describing in detail..sometimes a scary amount of detail what they thought or did. The amount of information that is recorded about people is absolutely amazing. Now you can Youtube yourself and create your own little video show where you are the superstar that you always wanted to be..well in your own little insignificant existence anyway. How far will it go? Where will this thing end up? What will they be doing 15 years from now when my kids are teenagers (in the immortal words of Bill the Cat "Ack Thhhhpt"). What tools will be available to put themselves out there for all the world to see and is that something that they should be doing? Once it is out there..it is out there, there is no taking it back. That is what scares me. Anyway, obviously fear or not I am one of the ones putting my thoughts down for all the world to read. Whether it brings to them laughter, sadness, or anger are things I can't control. So, I guess to answer the question to blog or not to blog the answer would be yes. Let the world make its own decision.